A Cracked Pot Among Jars of Clay

The end of an era and the beginning of a new one

2010-12-27T10:05:00.000-08:00

I think that title is just pretentious enough. I'm closing up shop at this particular blog and moving all of my blogging activity over to mattbrier.tumblr.com.

I like the Blogger platform well enough, but there is an ease of use with Tumblr that will hopefully inspire me to do more on a regular basis. I will be leaving this blog intact as a reference and an archive, but if you want to keep up with my current status please follow me at mattbrier.tumblr.com.

Learning from Nanowrimo

2010-11-23T13:20:00.000-08:00

What I've learned from Nanowrimo:

1. November is never a good month for me to try and hack out 50,000 words. Inevitably I run against the wall of preparing to go out of town, going out of town, spending time with family out of town, and for some reason work decides to get busy too. I've managed to double my output from last year though and I'm not saying I won't make it in the end. Realistically though, I'm only just over 11,000 words as of today and I should be around 30,000.

2. Given the right attitude I can make myself write on a regular basis. I have pounded out around 1000 to 1200 words a day for the past three days. This is huge for me and will play a large part in planning things for the next year.

3. Even when I don't think the words will flow, they do some how. They aren't Shakespeare, but they do flow.

4. When it comes down to it, it isn't the success of the failure, but the doing.

I don't know if the novel will ever get finished. I can see adding to it even if I don't finish it by the end of this month, but I may or may not be as diligent in getting it done. I've got renewed passion for other things in my life and I will be, with healthy input from my wife, putting together a plan for the next year and praying over it.

I'm probably even going to try and blog some of it so I can get some writing done on a regular basis and have a reason to keep this blog around.

Top 10 Podcasts

2010-05-04T11:45:00.000-07:00

This is the second day of the '31 Days to Build a Better Blog' challenge in which I have decided to participate. I hope the lessons learned will help me not only bring more to this blog, but more inspired writing in general. Today's assignment is a list post and to give you some further insight into my life I present the follow.

Top 10 Podcasts that inform, inspire, and entertain me
1. Steelehouse Podcast - Mark Steele and Jeff Houston, along with other guests, discuss God in pop culture. The conversations, sprinkled with much wit and candor, center around how God or the want for God shows up in everyday works if we just take a moment to see. Honest and open discussions underlay the humor.

2. This American Life - This American Life started as a radio program and has had two seasons on Showtime. Each week they choose a theme and produce stories based on that theme. The stories are more often than not true. The production and story telling are top notch.

3. WNYC's Radiolab - Taking a page from old time radio, Radiolab produces a show dedicated to science, philosophy, and life with the twist of making it extremely entertaining. Sound effects, humor, music, and interesting topics are wrapped around interviews with experts and well investigated stories.

4. The Moth Podcast - Stores told life, from the stage, without any notes. Some adult content throughout, but the stories open an insightful window into humanity.

5. PodCulture: Equal Opportunity Geekness - Geek news and reviews from an ensemble of geeks. Very entertaining, especially segments like 'Geek Cuisine' and 'Guilty Pleasures.' Some language throughout, varies episode to episode.

6. NPR: All Songs Considered - A weekly look at what is new in the world of music, primarily focusing on indie and alternative music.

7. Bored Again Christian - The music is not what you will find on Christian Radio. It is art inspired by or inspiring the listener to God.

8. Cranky Geeks - Weekly computer news, reviews, and commentary with John C. Dvorak and guests. It is my link to keeping up with the tech world.

9. The GeekDads - From Wired magazine and in some ways similar to Podculture. Every other week the podcast brings news and reviews from the world of geek culture from the perspective of a parent raising a kid in the digital age. On the off weeks they produce a shorter program called Geek Dad Hip Trax that features geeky inspired music(think Nerd core, chiptunes, wizard rock, filk) that can be shared with the whole family.

10. This Week in Tech - Leo Laporte's flagship show. Each week Leo and guests discuss the latest in technology news as well as review the latest gadgets and services.

Hopefully you will find something new in this list to inform and entertain you.

Not much, how about you?

2009-11-14T13:00:00.000-08:00

I was going to doing this as a series of Twitter updates, but then I decided that I have a neglected blog that needs something written in it now and again. So here's a little of what's been going on in my neck of the woods.

1. God is shaping me in new ways and really opening my eyes to what is important in my life and what isn't. I know I have a lot of decisions to make in the coming months about how I'm going to spend my time and what I get involved in. I've always been of the mindset that once I get to a certain point in, whether an organized office or out of debt, I'll be able to do things. The truth of the matter is I can do things now, maybe not in the 'perfect' way I would want to do them, but if I wait for perfection I'll never do them in the first place.

2. Between working, being a husband, keeping up a house, producing a two hour radio show, sometimes writing reviews for destroythecyb.org, sometimes producing a podcast, and studying up on new technologies something has to give. Writing has become really important to me in the past year and I want to do that as much as I can. I've cordoned off time for the radio show so it doesn't interfere with the rest of life. That leaves the podcast and studying. I've been doing better about studying, but the podcast has really fallen by the wayside. I'm beginning to think I should fold it for now. Something I know I need to seriously consider.

All of that plus I really need to de-clutter my life of everything I thought I would eventually get around to and focus on a few key things for a period in my life. I'm really bad about wanting to investigate all kinds of avenues and bunny trails, but it is only serving to make me mediocre at a lot of things, but not really good at any.

It doesn't help that we're entering the holidays and things tend to get hectic, but God has been adjusting my perceptions and attitudes and I believe this new focus will help me to maintain the busy times and work harder in the slack times.

3. I signed up for National Novel Writing Month this year. The goal is to write a novel over the course of November ending the month with 50,000+ words written. This is my first year and I'm way behind on word count, but for me this is a trial run. My focus is more on exercising my writing muscles and stretching my creativity, if I don't make the word count, there's always next year. Either way it has been a fun and helpful experience.

Kingdom vs. Country -- Where is Our Allegiance?

2009-07-08T18:35:00.001-07:00

This comes as a follow-up to Saturday's writings on celebrating America and patriotism. I have all of these ideas in my head, all of these thoughts that need to be said, but I'm not sure how to start other than to rip the band-aid off.

"Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things. 20But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself."
--Philippians 3:19-21

Somewhere along the way we've gotten confused. We've traded in the assurance of grace and eternity for the comfort of the land in which we live. We've traded the power of God to save us for the power of democracy to enable us. Instead of pledging our allegiance to eternity in heaven we pledge it to a flag. It seems as though it isn't enough to be Christian if you live in America. It used to be "God, country, and apple pie," but somewhere along the way country took precedence.

Saturday I stated that we need more patriotism. Today I'm saying we need to keep it in perspective. It's okay to celebrate the country we live in. It is this country's commitment to freedom that allows us to worship where we want, when we want, and how we want. The problem comes when that respect colors our belief.

We can never forget that God created the world, not just the United States. We can never forget that Jesus died for the world, not just the United States. We should not allow ourselves to be comfortable here. This is not where we are going to spend the rest of our lives. Our call, our privilege is to help bring the kingdom here.

The problem comes when we mix patriotism with worship. I know this is going to be an unpopular opinion. The moment we mix patriotism with worship we cross into dangerous territory. The line can become blurred. Are we worshiping God or country? Are we pledging allegiance to our country or to heaven?

Too often as a church we get caught up in patriotic celebrations around Independence Day, Memorial Day, and Veteran's Day. We intermix our services with music and speeches that don't pay tribute to God above, don't add to the worship, and don't point to the good news of the gospel. In doing so we fail to live up to the grace that has been given to us freely, we fail to uphold the living God in Jesus as the center of our lives.

This is not meant as an attack on anyone. This is meant to provoke thought in everyone. I agree we need to be thankful for the nation we live in, but I am bothered that we have become more concerned with the country and less with the kingdom.

The Difficulty of Writing

2009-07-07T19:42:00.000-07:00

I'm still working on the piece I mentioned a couple of days ago. I think I have finally found the voice, but I'm not sure I want to express it openly. It is a difficult piece for me to write because the opinions I express in it are going to clash violently with the opinions of people I respect. I'm trying to find a voice that is firm enough to say what needs to be said, but respectful enough to say it in a way that doesn't come across as harsh or arrogant.

Beyond that I don't have anything in my mind to write at the moment. This of course makes writing everyday, or nearly everyday as it now stands, a challenge at best.

I did remember what I wanted to point out a couple of days ago. Mark Steele of Steelehouse Productions, writing, and podcast fame has a new book coming out in the beginning of August called 'Christianish: What If We Aren't Really Following Jesus At All?" It can be pre-ordered through Amazon here:

http://www.amazon.com/Christianish-What-Really-Following-Jesus/
dp/1434766926/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1246838645&sr=1-3

I've read his first two books and enjoyed both immensely. He writes in a humorous style true stories about his life and ties them into a bigger theme of his relationship with God. Two chapters of this book were released in audio form around Christmas through his podcast and they were both side-splittingly funny and thought provoking at the same time and I'm really looking forward to reading the whole thing.

Nothing new today

2009-07-05T18:05:00.000-07:00

I'm working on article, but it isn't quite ready for prime-time.

There was something else I was going to comment on here as well, but apparently I'm drawing a complete blank here so. . .

Happy 4th of July

2009-07-04T19:33:00.000-07:00

I know a little late to the party, but it is still technically the 4th so I'm in under the wire.

Had a good, restful day. Spent time with good friends, eating good food, and generally just hanging out. Which is really what I mean by a restful day yesterday. I had regrets about the general lack of doing anything yesterday late last night and vowed to not let that happen again.

As I sit here typing I hear the random pops of fireworks going off around the neighborhood. I'm not sure that any of them are all that spectacular to watch as the laws in Kentucky are pretty prohibitive. I have doubts that my neighbors went anywhere to get the "good stuff."

I think I'm probably in the last generation that was instilled with a sense of patriotism growing up. Our grandparents were the Greatest Generation having fought in World War II and being the last generation that probably genuinely cared about the country. Some would say it is because it was a simpler time when patriotism and love of country was more generally accepted. The government wasn't as corrupt and cared more about the people. Etcetera etcetera.

I don't believe that for a second. I think the government has always had problems with corruption. It may not have been as out in the open in their generation, but it was there. The advent of first television, then satellite television transmission, computers, and finally the internet have lent themselves to more information getting out faster to more people.

Our parents generation, aka the Baby Boomers, still held onto some of those patriotic ideas, but it was also the first generation where people were aware of the scale of dissension. World War II is probably seen by many as the last war that we were justified participating in. Korea was the beginning of America the police force, not America the defender. Vietnam took that a step further and the backlash from that conflict at home started down the path to where we are today. One could argue the first war in Iraq back in 1991 was somewhat justified because Iraq was the aggressor. However, the current Iraq war, while starting with more public support, took a wrong turn and is now very divisive causing impassioned opinions that haven't been seen since Vietnam.

All this to say that Independence Day, along with the other patriotic holidays, draws a lot of cynicism from the current generation. There are always exceptions to the rule, but by and large this is more a day of cookouts, fireworks, and an extra day off. It is not a day we reflect the cost of freedom for freedom is taken for granted. We've always had it and it is assumed we always will.

I started this by saying I grew up in what is probably the last generation to have a sense of patriotic pride and I have that pride, but even I find cynicism creeping in with the seeming crumbling of the nation around us. A lot of people seem caught off guard by the recession and genuinely surprised by the house of cards our economy has been built on. Not to say I had any special insight, but the longer I've lived the more I've wondered when it was going to happen. We've become too indulgent and too greedy as a nation. Historically when that happens it signals the beginning of the end for the country/empire/civilization involved.

So today I salute the men and women who served to protect us and protect our freedoms. I salute this nation, its principles, and the core ideals it looks to for guidance each day.

Introversion

2009-07-03T15:19:00.000-07:00

I'm having a very introvert day. Yesterday was great. I had an early day off of work, got a haircut, did some yard work, and spent the night hanging out with some guys playing poker. I capped all of that with 11 hours of sleep.

Today I'm recovering. Today I'm quite content to do nothing and that's pretty much what I have done. Outside of writing this I may actually do some reading later, but no guarantees.

I used to have issues with this, always feeling like I needed to be doing something and not wasting time. The older I get the more I realize the importance of these days and while it still causes some psychological discomfort, I try to embrace them for what they are.

Writing Challenge - Day 1 - Let the Games Begin

2009-07-01T18:47:00.000-07:00

Today is day one of the writing challenge I issued to myself for the month of July. Today I present a review of an audio book I recently finished.

Audio book review: Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking One Last Time by Douglas Adams

The Salmon of Doubt was released in May of 2002 one year after Douglas Adam’s passing. It is a collection of interviews, short stories, articles, and speeches of/by Douglas as well as the beginnings of Douglas’ next book. Those elevenish chapters are presented as the next Dirk Gently book. However, as many of the interviews point out, Douglas wasn’t sure what the finished product was going to be. He did mention that some of the ideas felt more like a Hitchhiker’s Guide book. He was looking in that direction as he felt that he ended that series on a down note and wanted it to really go out on a high note.

The audio book is narrated by Simon Jones who is probably best known as playing Arthur Dent in both the entire Hitchhiker’s Guide radio series and the television series. He also had a cameo as the holographic message from the planet Magrathea to the spaceship Heart of Gold in the Hitchhiker’s Guide movie. His voice is forever associated with Douglas Adams' in my mind and it is fitting that he would narrate this final chapter in a wonderful career.

The audio book is a fascinating listen. Given the number of interviews there is certainly going to be repeated information, but they string them out far enough between other bits that it doesn’t become too redundant. Putting aside the novella for a minute, there are two pieces that really stuck out in this book. The first was his interview with an magazine written by and for athiests. The second is the transcription of a speech Douglas gave to a group of scientists at Cambridge discussing, or more accurately debating himself, about whether or not there is an artificial god.

I find it interesting that whether or not I agree with him, Douglas provides a comprehensive argument in his speech that is littered with insightful humor. That same personality shines through as he answers the interviewers questions. He answers are never demeaning to those he disagrees with. I find this to be in sharp contrast to Richard Dawkins, whom Douglas counted as a friend, and his seeming arrogance when comes to espousing similar views.

This is not totally unexpected though. In all of his fiction books Douglas hit the right notes with intelligent insight, humor, and humility. It only makes sense that those qualities were in play in all of Douglas' life.

Beyond those pieces the Dirk Gently novella provides a satisfying, if brief, end to a wonderful career. Unfortunately the story gets as far as setting up the plot, the characters, and then abruptly ends. It had the potential to be a great Dirk Gently book based on what he had written. Above the Title Productions, who have produced three Hitchhiker’s radio series and two Dirk Gently radio series for BBC4, has been commissioned to produce a radio series based on this incomplete script. Hopefully it will live up to the foundation that has been provided.

If you are a fan of Douglas Adams this is worth picking up. If you aren’t, start with the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and work your way here. And don’t forget your towel.

-------

Random quote overheard today: "Is that Cobra Commander?" --some guy on a call in a cubicle near mine.

Brief update once again

2009-06-23T19:02:00.000-07:00

Feel like I’ve hit a huge brick wall mentally. So much to do, but I never feel like I have enough time to do it in. I’m looking at kicking off another blog-a-day on July 1st, but I’m not sure if I’ll have the time to write each day. Being a writer means writing, which is something I do precious little of it seems.

I do read though so I have that going for me.

I’m slowly learning Django. I like it, I think it has a great amount of potential. I am worried that I will learn it and then lose it. I won’t be using it on the job, at least not in the job I currently hold. Maybe, hopefully I’ll be using it in the future.

Speaking of which I’m doing most of my learning on the clock and I hope it doesn’t cause any difficulties long term. I know my boss doesn’t care because I keep my work up-to-date. I’m not spending time learning at the expense of my job. Having said that I don’t feel like it is something I should continue to do, but it seems to be the wisest use of my time and it keeps me from surfing the web.

I’m not satisfied. I’m restless. I’m also tired. I’m not so tired that I can’t function, but I have a hard time concentrating during the day.

I’m way behind on my podcast listening. It doesn’t help that trying to learn and listen to a podcast is near impossible. I’m trying to figure out what needs to be limited and what needs to be cut completely.

None of this is all that important; it just weighs on my mind. I think our financial situation right now is causing the stress which is causing a domino effect into other areas of my life.

Grr. Arrgh.

Brief update

2009-04-08T04:16:00.000-07:00

So not a lot has been going on at any one time, but since I haven't written here in forever there is a lot to get caught up on.

- I was accepted for a writing gig to review comic books at destroythecyb.org. I've currently got three reviews up with three more coming in the next week. If nothing else this forces me to write on a semi-regular basis, with the exception of the 3-4 week gap between the last review and the upcoming one.

- I started recording a radio show for a local low power FM station. 92.7 WXBH out of Fern Creek in Louisville. My show airs Saturday mornings from 10:00 AM to Noon eastern time. If you are interested, but you don't live near the area, you can also check it out at wxbh.org. I play a mix of rock through the ages, alt-country, country, independent, bluegrass, pop, etc. In radio terms it is more of an Adult Alternative. Think Paste magazine mashed up with a classic rock station.

- I'm working out a new format for the PopCulture Geek podcast and hope to have a new one out in the next week or two.

- I'm going to fold PopCulture Geek Radio out. With the addition of the radio show above something had to give and this one was it. It was getting even less attention from me and I get a chance to play all of the music on the air. It all works out in the end.

- I've recently spent a few days with my wife in St. Augustine, Fl. for a much needed and very restful vacation. I'll be adding pictures to my flickr stream. If you get a chance to go, I recommend it.

- As of today I'm scheming and throwing some ideas around. What I have in mind could be big. More details to come as I get things worked out in my mind. Nurturing ideas, for me, are kind of like teaching a child to ride a bike: I have to run along side them for them to gain momentum or they will crash and burn real fast. Please pray that I'll have the wisdom and foresight to carry this through or to let it drop before I get too involved and my pride gets in the way.

I think that pretty much covers it for now. I hope to do some more writing as well. I had a few ideas, but I didn't run along side them long enough.

NoiseTrade Widget

2008-12-08T18:33:00.001-08:00

Anger

2008-11-25T19:44:00.000-08:00

Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.
Psalm 37:7-9

I used to be an angry individual. I'm not saying that I no longer get irrationally angry, but with a lot of work, prayer, support from a patient wife, and some counseling I'm much better than I used to be. With the change that has come I also see anger in others and its effect on their life more clearly. I don't boast in my lack of anger because I know I could very easily be them.

I believe anger to be one of the more destructive emotions when handled improperly. It has creates the same internal damage that worry and despair do, but it has the added bonus of coming out in actions and words which damages other people.

In the last few days I've watched anger in play. Deep anger and worry that comes from wounds I will never fathom. Irrational anger that lashes out and causes chaos and discord whereever it goes. And I think to myself that only by the grace of God am I not that person. I can only pray for peace in these situations and hope that they receive the same peace that has been given to me.

Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty,and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.
Proverbs 16:31-33

And now for something completely awesome

2008-11-19T18:42:00.001-08:00

Dagnabbit

2008-11-19T18:27:00.000-08:00

I hate feeling guilty for not having written here recently or having kept up with either of my podcasts. I haven't touched the guitar in weeks. I've gotten better at managing my time to the point that I'm actually studying web development more. However, that is really the only positive thing I can come up with at the moment. I'll be on vacation for a week and won't be able to do any of this because I'll be in Pennsylvania visiting my in-laws.

C.J. Mahaney has written a good piece on his blog about procrastination and how some of us are more prone than others to lean towards it. I'm definitely a procrastinator. In the past I always felt I did my best work under a deadline. I've been out of the scholastic environment for ten years now, nothing drives me. Sure I have deadlines at work and I have a good habit of meeting or beating them, but once the work is over I'm back to my lazy, self-centered lifestyle. I know deep down inside part of me feels like I deserve a break after 5:00, but a lack of diligence outside the office has put me in a precarious position. I have to "cram" now so I can be prepared to make a job change if necessary. My options are limited because I haven't taken advantage of the opportunities that I have been given.

Outside of that I don't want to be in a corporate environment all of my life. I want to utilize my knowledge of technology to reach out and make a difference in the world. The way I see it though, if I can't take the time for the things I "want" to do on a regular basis then I'm really going to have a hard time with the things I'm called to do as a believer.

I'm not saying I need to be a workaholic, studyholic, evangelholic 24/7/365. That is a road of deception that leads away from God as well. I am saying I need to work, and work hard, to strike a balance.

Poverty: How you can make a difference.

2008-10-14T18:34:00.000-07:00

The economic downturns have impacted us in various ways. Gas prices were up, now they are down. Food prices have gone up. Restaurants are going out of business because costs have gone up and customers have quit coming in. The stock market drops out 2000 some odd points in a month and gains back 900 in a day. All in all it is hard to be optimistic about our future.

Chance are if you are reading this and you are in America you own a computer, you live in a house, you ate some food today, and you're probably going to a job tomorrow. In short you have it better than some 95% of the rest of the world.

I'm not here to make you feel guilty, I'm here to make you think. The government has many programs to help people here and abroad meet their needs on a daily basis. However the same government has run up a 10 trillion dollar national debt. As much as we would like to look to the government and multi-national corporations to do their part in saving the world, true change will not happen unless we are involved as well.

If you are a Christian this is more than a good idea, it is to be a part of who you are. There are at least 2000 references to poverty and children in the Bible. We are created in the image of God. God has a lot to say about poverty, how He handles it, and by example how we should handle it as well.

Today I would like to highlight some opportunities for you to help out and contribute. First off is Compassion International. Your monthly donation will help a child and the community the child lives in. Compassion goes further than just taking care of the physical needs of the child, they also help to educate each child so they have hope for the future. If you cannot give you money, please consider giving your time. If you have a blog, please take a look at Compassion Bloggers.

Another option is to join up with Advent Conspiracy. Each year Americans spend 450 billion dollars on Christmas every year. Let me repeat that last part. 450. BILLION. EVERY. YEAR. I know what you're thinking, it's October 15th and its too early to start talking about Christmas. It isn't. Christmas will be here before you know it. Did you know that lack of clean drinking water kills more people than anything. It is estimated that 10 billion dollars could provide clean drinking water for everyone in the world. The idea is to spend less this Christmas season. Spend more time socializing with friends and family. Give more time to those who need it. Make memories. Consumerism has run rampant for too long now. Have we not learned from the past few weeks that more stuff doesn't equal happiness? And while you aren't spending on gifts that will probably be forgotten, you can be giving some of that to help out the world.

A similar idea is behind Blood Water Mission. Founded by Dan Haseltine to help provide clean water and clean blood to villages in Africa. They are currently 340 wells into a 1000 wells project and could use any and all help you can give. According to their website 1 dollar will fund clean water for one African for a whole year.

These organizations, as well as many others, need your help. It is my hope that what has happened in the world around us has given you pause to meditate and see the blessings in your life.

At a crossroads?

2008-10-13T17:49:00.000-07:00

I'm holding back. I'm on the edge looking over and I just need to take the dive. I don't like coming here to write, especially when I don't feel like I've done anything. Pretty soon this is going to end up being a sounding board for how bad I suck at living life and how things aren't fair.

I am sanctified by the blood of Christ. I am made righteous in the eyes of God. I have to start living that life.

As with many proclamations I have made here I have no idea what or how I'm going to go about that. I need to pray more and focus on listening more and to that end I would ask that you pray for me also in this time.

Lord give me patience and I need it right now

2008-09-22T17:54:00.000-07:00

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride."
--Ecclesiastes 7:8(NIV)

Patient: bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint(according to Merriam-Webster)

Patient: A lost art that apparently no-one, including myself, is in a hurry to find.

The windstorm of possibly the century hit Louisville in the past week. 3/4 of the city was without power and the estimates for getting everyone back online was grim. 24 hours had not passed yet and people were complaining about the inconvenience. I've heard several stories of crews being harassed and cursed by people they have come to help. I know it was a massive inconvenience. We lost all of the food we had in our refrigerator and freezer. The day pretty much ended at sundown as reading by candlelight was not happening. We were blessed to get our power back in 36 hours, but even if it had taken all week we would have understood. Patience is key in these times. We've become too used to instant gratification. Buy now, pay later. 500 channels, video on demand. "Instant" messaging. High speed internet.

I'm convinced the election isn't about what is good for the nation. The candidate that wins will be the one that can convince the voters he will lower gas prices, taxes, and save the economy in the first quarter in office. We don't look to the big picture anymore. We've got to open up more drilling even though it will take 5-7 years to bring said oil to market. We've got to cut taxes and provide more spending money even though we've just reported the highest national debt ever. We've got to bail out the failing financial market, the same market that tried to shortcut its way to a bigger payday.

I'm not immune. I used to be the poster boy for compulsive outbursts. My lack of patience is what got us into so much debt. My lack of patience is what keeps me from sticking to what I start. I'm actually quite amazed I've stuck with writing for as long as I have.

Tomorrow I celebrate eight years of being married to a wonderful and beautiful woman. She has taught me more about patience in that time that I ever thought possible and I thank God for her each and everyday.

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."
--Colossians 3:12

The Wandering Mind

2008-09-12T20:13:00.000-07:00

Newsflash, this just in.

- For whatever reason I felt it was a good time to rent an acoustic guitar and try to learn some music. I'm not sure why I thought this was a good idea. I have this insatiable need to create. That is why I write. That is why I put podcasts together. More than likely it is also the foundation for the amount of music I listen to and/or buy. The desire is there, the talent may not be so much. I know what I'm good at. I understand systems very well. God graced me with the ability to see the big picture, very well at times. I am tenacious when it comes to solving problems. I'm also a good facilitator. I know how to ask the right questions. I'm not saying this out of arrogance. I'm saying it because these are my strengths.

I haven't written here in awhile and it is killing me not to write. I don't know who said it originally, but Wil Wheaton passed on this bit of advice: "Don't be afraid to suck."

I'm not afraid to suck at writing in view of the internet. I may not be the most interesting, I may never find the voice. Right now I can't find the inspiration. I want to write, I don't know what to write.

- Gas prices shot up overnight on speculation hurricane Ike will cause major disruption in Gulf oil production. After watching the news tonight I feel it is time for me to add my voice and send out a reminder. If you cause a run on gas, the price will definitely go up. Gas, as with most things, is driven by a little thing we call supply and demand. Supply is not down, oil is selling at less than $100 a barrel as of market close today. Refined gas supplies may go down briefly with this hurricane. However, everyone panicking because they've "heard" prices are going up will drive supply down which will drive prices up.

Repeat after me: The news is anything but the news. The news hasn't been real reporting in probably 20 years. The media, whether intentionally or not, is very good at manipulating your emotions. Panic isn't going to help any of us and will probably cause the government, which is another issue altogether, to gain more control. Breath deep and remember things are probably not as bad as they seem to be.

- Have I mentioned I have no idea why I rented a guitar?

It's the little things

2008-08-21T18:58:00.000-07:00

I never realized how much I talk to myself and sing in the car until my voice started going out last night. Now I have to force myself not to use it when it isn't necessary. It is mildly annoying to say the least.

On the off chance my voice comes back in the next 24 hours I'm going to try and revive my podcasts this weekend, although as with everything the best laid plans . . .

Music Reviews

2008-08-18T18:33:00.000-07:00

I was originally going to do two bullet reviews, two weeks ago. Since I've been derelict in my duties, I'm going to add a bonus review. Strap yourself in, here we go.

Samantha Crain - "The Confiscation EP"

Imagine Feist or Yael Naim singing the songs of Neko Case and you'll have a pretty good approximation of the sound for this album. If that description puts you off, don't let it. Give this EP a chance to grow on you and you'll see an up and coming star in the making. A native of Oklahoma this first release shows a maturity well beyond her years. The folk songstress blends age old guitar and rhythm with strong and inventive lyrics. Plus her sounds fits right in with her label mates:

The Avett Brothers - "The Second Gleam"

There is much to be said about the Avett Brothers, but I covered most of it here. This is not necesarily the Avett Brothers album to start out with. "The Second Gleam" follows in the footsteps of "The Gleam" with ballads taking the lead. The first single, "Murder in the City," sets the tone with the lines like "If I get murdered in the city, don't go revenging in my name." The song continues exploring the meaning of life, death, relationships, and what is truly important. The whole EP tackles these themes in a laid back folk/acoustic manner. The Avetts prove that sometimes it is better to leave the rowdy at home and take time to ponder and savor life in all of its glory.

Jars of Clay - "Closer(EP)"

Jars of Clay are back and if this EP is any indication of what is to come, I can't wait for the full album. "Closer" starts off with a pop rock sound that wouldn't sound out of place on the "Good Monsters" album. The ballad "Safe to Land" follows. Its a good song, but it really doesn't break any new ground. After that are two re-recordings "Love Song for a Saviour(2008)" and "Flood(New Rain)." I'm already a fan of both songs and "Love Song for a Saviour(2008)" manages to capture the beauty of the original with a slightly updated feel. However "Flood(New Rain)" did not work for me. The original version was a breakout hit for Jars and the addition of some vocals and a guitar track just doesn't feel quite right this time around. The EP ends with another ballad "Prisoner of Hope." Again it is a fairly standard sound, but lyrically it captures an unexplainable feeling that makes the song stand out. Jars of Clay have started releasing on their own label, presumably so they can make music on their own terms. After hearing this EP I can't wait to hear what they do next.

From Cracked to Cracking up

2008-08-04T17:30:00.000-07:00

I'm losing focus and I don't like it. I'm prone to wandering at best and downright attention deficit on my bad days. Outside of the music reviews I haven't done much in the way of writing lately. I know that if I'm going to be a writer I have to discipline myself to write on a regular basis, but like many things I don't feel like I have any follow through.

In an attempt to get some money saved and some debt paid off I'm combing through books and CDs to sell. I have a bookcase full of computer books that at one time were intended to help further my career. The problem is that I have no focus. There are books for network certifications, security studies, programming, graphics design, and web design. I hated programming when I graduated with my degree. I knew I was going into network administration. I took a few of the Microsoft tests, but never followed through. In the late 90's I knew computer security would be the next big thing so I started buying books on it. My prognostication proved to be true, but less than helpful since I never actually applied myself to the study.

Now I'm looking at web design. I'm trying very hard to take the advice of one of my friends and focus on only a few key programming methods. I get distracted though. I surf the web too much, I listen to music too much, I spend more time doing nothing and avoiding real work than I do actual study.

I like where I am in my life for the most part. I like the job I do, but I'm also afraid of what will happen when it eventually runs out.

Everyday I hear God telling me to let go. Let go of the job. Let go of the stuff. Let go of my life. Let go of my plans. I want to let go and fall into His plan and lean on His strength. I want to believe that when the chips are down I will have a stronger faith than what I feel I have now.

There is a whole school of thought regarding 'delayed adolescence' in young men today. Men in their twenties are staying at home with the parents, not worrying about studying or getting jobs, just concentrating on having fun. It isn't anything I really had to deal with. I lived with my parents through the first part of college and moved out when I was 22. With the exception of six months after a nasty eviction, I haven't lived with my parents since. I worked through college, got my degree in Computer Information Systems, and had a job at a computer support contracting firm one month after graduating. For the longest time I thought I had it all together.

This year I've learned a lot about myself, my faith, my relationship with my wife, and my lack of maturity. I'm praying for maturity and wisdom. I'm praying for change in my life.

So now I'm a music review and psychological sounding board. It must be a blog.

Music Review: Matthew Sweet "Sunshine Lies"

2008-07-30T18:35:00.000-07:00

Much has been written about Matthew Sweet. After two critically acclaimed, but poorly selling albums he broke big in 1990 with the album "Girlfriend." The alternative pop hit spawned two top-25 singles on the Modern Rock Chart and two anime filled music videos. The following albums, "Altered Beast" and "100% Fun," widely divided the critics. Some felt the music was uneven, others felt it was a logical extension of what he started with Girlfriend. The following years saw a few more releases that served to build his fan base. He collaborated with Shawn Mullins and Pete Droge to form the super group the Thorns. He cameoed in the Austin Powers movies as part of the band Ming Tea with Mike Meyers and Susanna Hoffs. In 2006 he released an album of classic rock covers with Susanna Hoffs entitled "Under the Covers Vol. 1."

Now he is poised to release his first new solo album since 2004 and his first for the Shout! Factory label. "Sunshine Lies" is due out on August 26th, 2008. If you have followed Mr. Sweet's career to this point you will find this album to be a culmination of his talent. If this is a first time experience for you, get ready for a treat.

This album is his most consistent release since "Girlfriend." The songs, even the ballads, are catchy and the lyrics are witty. The album simultaneously starts a new chapter in his career while paying homage to his past career. "Time Machine" kicks the album off with a pop fullness while the lyrics paint a wistful picture. "Room to Rock" speeds out of the gate in a manner similar to "Dinosaur Act" from "Altered Beast." The third track, "Byrdgirl," sounds straight off of "Under the Covers Vol. 1" with a late 60's/early 70's rock feel. He then punches out on the fourth track, "Flying," with a classic rock feel and gravely vocals. The song has a real Neil Young vibe and it stayed in my head long after the album had ended. Track five is the deceptively smooth "Feel Fear." Track six, "Let's Love," is the other real standout track on the album. Again he invokes a similar style to Neil Young on the verses, but the chorus leans more towards the Who with its rocking rhythm and lead guitar work. The title track "Sunshine Lies" is up next. Again Sweet, along with his wife and Susanna Hoffs, sings a laid-back, psychedelic track that could have been pulled straight out of the 60's. Track seven is another slow ballad entitled "Pleasure is Mine." If I had to pick a weak track on the album, it would be this one. It isn't necesarily a bad track, but on a disc of memorable tracks this one doesn't stick out. Track eight, "Daisychain," again showcases Sweet's homage to the music that influenced him. It has a 60's rock feel that would not feel out of place on a Beach Boy's album. Track nine brings back the rock with "Sunrise Eyes." This track points back to his success in the 90's, but has an edge of experience that could only come with time. Track ten is the ballad "Around You Now." I couldn't help but hear echoes of "Nothing Lasts" from "Girlfriend" when I listened this track. They both share themes of inevitable change. Track eleven, "Burn Through Love," is the second weakest track on the album. Again the track isn't bad, it just comes off as mediocre alterna-pop compared to other tracks. The album ends with "Back of My Mind." The track starts off as a slow ballad that builds into a powerful chorus only to drop off into a slow ballad again. It is the perfect cap for an album that deftly rode the line between 90's alternative, 60's psychedelic, and flat out rock and roll.

All in all this is the best Matthew Sweet in some time and well worth the wait. Next week I'll be reviewing a couple of new releases from Ramseur Records.

Review: The Photographic "Pictures of a Changing World"

2008-07-23T18:27:00.000-07:00

On March 11th, 2008 The Photographic released their debut album "Pictures of a Changing World." On Tuesday July 9th, 2008 I was fortunate enough to hear the track "Bridge Runs" for the first time on a local radio station. That day I sought out and purchased this album and it has remained in heavy rotation ever since. The Photographic are Jamey See Tai and Chad Blevins from Louisville, Kentucky. The duo met in 2001 through a mutual friend, started jamming together in 2002, and formed The Photographic in 2003. Originally Jamey played guitar while Chad played drums. Over time their sound has evolved to include synthesizers and guitar loops as well. The sound is so layered and full that it is hard to believe there are only two people in the band. The band already has an impressive resume having shared the stage with, among others, The Apples in Stereo, Hawthorne Heights, and VHS or Beta. They have also opened for Unwed Sailor and The Naysayer.

On first listen it would be easy to compare this album to the later work of Explosions in the Sky. However on repeated listening one discovers the little details in the sound that sets this band apart from other melodic rock bands.

The first track, "Inception", slowly meanders along and fades right into the second track, "Millie Rode to Heaven on the Back of an Orca." In this track it sounds as if a guitar is used to mimic whale sounds. It didn't stand out on first listen. I happened to be passively listening through headphones and I just picked on it. From there the album flows on. Drum beats and guitar loops are expertly merged with guitar melodies. From the drawn out synthesizer in "Lost in a Daydream" to crunchy guitar loop that fades to cleaner version on "Night Noise" the album seamlessly melds together for just under an hour taking the listener on a sonic journey. For me the stand out is a ten minute epic titled "We Were Fed Poisoned Bread," a breathtakingly complete story in melody alone. The album is a soundtrack that is waiting for an accompanying movie.

As good as the recorded music is I have heard it plays even better live. Jamey's brother Jessie does a video projection for the entire show that is supposed to really draw the audience into the music. There is enhanced content on the disc that gives a taste of the full experience and adds an additional layer to the music.

These songs will remain in my rotation for quite some time. This is a band that shows great promise and potential. This disc will definitely appeal to fans of melodic rock, but I would recommend that everyone give it a listen. The music is that good and I hope we will be hearing more from The Photographic in the years to come.

"Pictures of a Changing World" was released through Galaxia records and is available through Amazon, ITunes, and Emusic. My recommendation is to buy a copy today.

Next week I'll have a review of Matthew Sweet's new solo album, "Sunshine Lies."

Writing: Marathon for the Brain

2008-07-22T19:07:00.000-07:00

So I just put the finishing touches on an album review. I'm not going to post it yet as I want one more read through to make sure there aren't any glaring errors.

Writing is like a marathon for the brain, it is intense and it takes a lot of fitness if you want to have a chance at succeeding. Apparently my brain is in the same shape as my body which is to say I shouldn't be running a marathon unless I want to induce a heart attack. Obviously I don't have the same regard for my brain.

I've been learning PHP programming this week in my spare time. It is going slow, but I'm definitely catching onto the basic principles without a problem. I did learn that while setting up Apache and MySQL runs about the same from version to version, the same is not true for PHP. It took me half a day to find out why I couldn't get the "phpinfo" to work on my system. That mystery solved it has been relatively smooth sailing since.

I've got a lot on my plate coming up, I just hope I can keep the momentum going forward.

Bowling for Fun and a Good Cause

2008-07-08T03:19:00.000-07:00

I tweeted about this, but I also wanted to get the word out here. I'm bowling for Junior Achievement on the 25th through my place of work. We do this each year to raise money to help fund Junior Achievement programs throughout the local area. Junior Achievement does a lot of great work teaching the next generation about business and economy.

To that end I could use your help. If you can spare the money please visit my donations page and make a donation.

Thoughts on 30 days

2008-07-07T03:48:00.000-07:00

I just upgraded the blog template so I could use the new blogger customizations. I like the new system. I just wish I hadn't had to take twenty minutes to re-add everything to my sidebar.

In my mind the 30 day challenge was neither a completely success nor a complete failure. I would have liked to been able to get some writing done each day. The real challenge is getting out quality writing. In the end I made the compromise to only post when I felt there was some quality to my posting.

I still want to pursue a career in writing, if only on the side. To that end I'm trying to manage my time better so I will have the option of writing each day.

Right now I'm dealing with a lot of personal stuff. I'm caught up in trying to narrow down which paths I'm going to pursue and which paths I'm going to let fall to the side. If I've learned nothing else in the past few weeks, I have learned that I need to sharpen my focus. I'm very prone to 'chasing the rabbits' so to speak and while that isn't always bad, I still need to stick to the path if I'm going to reach the destination.

I'm very frustrated with myself right now.

N.T. Wright on Stephen Colbert

2008-06-26T03:18:00.000-07:00

Your Attention Please for this Important Message

2008-06-24T09:12:00.000-07:00

There is a looming worldwide crisis. Crops around the world are already down in production. We've had major flooding in the United States that will impact production of key crops even further. The price of food has increased 80% since 2005. Across the globe people are being force to spend more of what they don't have to survive. Many children are starving. Some are blessed enough to be fed by charitable organizations. However, prices are getting higher, pay is getting lower, and charitable organizations are going additional resources.

What is causing this?

Fuel prices are going up. This impacts the transportation of food to the people that need it as well as the production of food at factories that use the fuel to run. Competition between countries that are growing industrially and countries that are well entrenched in their fuel use are only going to drive the prices higher.

Food production is down. Natural disasters including flooding, hurricanes, and earth quakes have devastated crops.

Populations are growing which causes greater demand.

Interest in developing biofuel diverts crop resources.

We Need You

We have opportunities to help. Earlier this year I wrote about the price I wasn't paying to be a follower of Christ. At that time I started looking into Compassion International and the work they are doing to help children and their families around the world. They offer opportunities to sponsor children in some of the poorest areas of the world. The money goes to meet the practical needs of the children in food, clothing, and education.

Now they are setting up a fund to help fend off the coming global food crisis. This is a great opportunity to help out of your wealth. Perhaps you feel you cannot afford to sponsor a child right now, but you can help out in with smaller donations. This is a great opportunity for you. The money donated to this fund will go to buy food vouchers for children in the hardest hit areas of the world. It will go to buy seeds and tools for local families so they can grow food for themselves as well as food to sell so they can earn more money. It will go to supplement nutritional requirements at Compassion centers around the world. These centers are already serving children and in some case are the only source of food for these children.

Compassion has also set aside tomorrow, June 25th 2008 as a day of fasting and prayer. If you cannot give money, please consider joining in with others to pray for the upcoming food crisis and the impact we can have in the lives of people all over the world.

We sometimes forget that serving and loving others is more than providing just the Gospel, we have to meet the physical and practical needs of the world as well.

For more information on sponsoring a child: http://www.compassion.com

For more information on the coming crisis: http://www.compassion.com/sponsordonor/global-food-crisis/default.htm

For more information on or to contribute to the fund: https://www.compassion.com/contribution/giving/global-food-crisis.htm

For more information on the day of fasting and prayer: http://blog.compassion.com/a-day-of-fasting-and-prayer

This a little bit of change from what I normally write, but it is important. There will be future posts on this organization as well as other organizations in the future.

Coming Soon: My thoughts on the 30 day challenge.

Day 21

2008-06-08T17:33:00.000-07:00

And the weekend is a wrap.

It feels more like late August than early June outside. I'm not a big fan of heat. I produce more than enough of my own, so adding on outside heat is just a recipe for being uncomfortable.

I learned two things about music criticism this week. The first points directly to the band Weezer. They just released their latest album, the third self titled album dubbed the 'Red' album, this past Tuesday. Reviews of the album seem to be divided with a few more positive reviews than negative. The one universal of criticizing Weezer is: Does it have the 'Weezer' sound? Which really means: Does it sound like their first two albums? The heaviest negative reviews are of their last three albums before 'Red.' Most cite cliche lyrics, pop tendencies, and over all non-creative writing. I picked up those albums('Green,' 'Maladroit,' and 'Make Believe') and I don't see it. They aren't the 'Blue' album or 'Pinkerton,' but I thought they were pretty decent.

This leads to my second point. I guess I just don't have the discerning tastes I thought I had.

Day 15

2008-06-02T18:18:00.000-07:00

I've seen a few ads on television for a new show called 'Swingtown.' Really? This was the best they could come up with? I realize this is a depiction of the 70's in full swing, no pun intended, but do we really need this? Wasn't Desperate Housewives enough? I don't like coming off as a semi-sanctimonious, moralistic jackleg, but this is really pushing the limit.

Oh wait, we have the Great American Dog where reality television goes to the dogs.

I really need to turn the television off.

Day 14 - A musical interlude

2008-06-01T19:31:00.000-07:00

So we were at my parent's house tonight and had gotten on the subject of raising children today and how it is seemingly different from when we were growing up. We were talking about how some parents use different activities as a way of avoiding their parental responsibilities. A comment was made about a kid whose parents had him in tennis lessons, swimming lessons, and tee ball. The kid apparently doesn't even like tee ball. I feel sorry for any kid that gets forced into doing something they have no interest in doing. Too many parents, especially fathers, use sports as a way to live out their dreams through their kids.

I commented that I was glad my parents never forced me into anything I wasn't interested in doing. My mother commented that they wouldn't have been able to afford a whole lot if I had been interested and noted, half jokingly/half seriously, that they had to scrimp a little to pay for me to go to musical kindergarten.

It kind of dawned at me right then that I've always had a thing for music, even as a child. Music has always fascinated me, probably more so than computers. When I was in elementary school, around the fourth grade, they brought in an outside group to teach a quasi-orchestra of the school children. It wasn't purely extra-curricular in nature. I remember wanting to play saxophone or clarinet, but because of my braces and the overbite that they were trying to correct I was not allowed. I ended up playing the snare drum which was fun, but to this day I wish I had been able to play another instrument.

Even now I would like to learn piano or guitar, but I don't feel like I have the time to devote to it. So I live vicariously through bands and music of all kinds. I volunteer to do sound at church so I can learn the techniques of mixing and train my ears to critically hear music. The aforementioned book I am going to write is all about music and the effect it has had in my life and faith.

I think that epiphany of looking back across my life has opened up whole new avenues for my future and I can say that I'm really excited to see where the next chapter of life takes me.

Day 13

2008-05-31T19:08:00.000-07:00

We were watching an author on CSPAN-2 tonight. The author stated that he normally had a book inside of him that was ready to come out. I want to get to that level. I have a quasi-book in mind and I am going to start writing it, but there isn't anything just dying to get out of me.

It has been a wonderfully restful weekend. Brood XIV has hatched and was loudly announcing itself outside of our windows today. I haven't seen that many of them, certainly not as many as others have seen in town, but I did have to get one out of the house yesterday. That was interesting to say the least. I'm not a big fan of any insect, but one to one and a half inch bugs that are just plain ugly and can fly really don't do anything for me. It could be a remnant memory of bicycling through a swarm when I was a kid. I do find myself fascinated and horrified by them at the same time.

Day 9

2008-05-27T19:12:00.000-07:00

Ok, apparently this project can be derailed by a simple three day weekend. For what it is worth, I didn't do much of anything, but sleep, over the weekend. This simply irks me because of the amount of things I should have been doing. From reading, to writing, to cleaning up my office, to cleaning up the house. I did start getting my main computer back online and I'm almost finished with it, just have to reload all the security patches and such.

So for all of you coffee lovers out there I have found a pretty decent way of making iced coffee. It does involved about 12 hours of prep time though. Generally speaking you make the coffee in your preferred method and add sugar to taste while it is hot. Then you place it in the refrigerator to cool for a few hours. Once it is cool mix it with milk over ice for a cool caffeine fix on those hot summer days. By pre-cooling the coffee you eliminate the watering down that happens when you pour hot coffee over ice.

Just a little tip from the Matman.

Day 5

2008-05-23T13:14:00.001-07:00

I'm blogging from a coffee shop. I'm not trying to fool anyone either and if you get that reference than more kudos to you.

The weekend is in full swing. I had intended to kick it off with a fine cigar, but the weather has looked too iffy as if a torrential down pour could start at any moment. That and I really don't enjoy the humidity. I do enjoy a good cup of coffee though.

Here's another unsolicited endorsement. If you are in the Louisville area check out Sunergos. They are a locale coffee shop with some of the best coffee I've ever had. They roast their beans on site which you can come in and check out. Plus the staff is friendly, knowledgeable, and they pull their own espresso shots which makes them that much better. I'm currently enjoying a white mocha as I was not in the mood for a regular coffee.

I don't have any big plans for the weekend, except to enjoy relaxation. I took care of the majority of the yard work yesterday. I may or may not start cleaning out my office, but I'll most definitely work on getting my main computer back online.

Of course grilling will happen at some point as well.

I was reading in the tech news that Britain is trying to pass legislation to keep an archive of all email and phone conversations for everyone. I know a lot of people are up in arms about this proposal for all of the right reasons. I think we can all agree we need less government in our lives, not more. Not only that, but the government is starting down a track record of incompetency in regards to the computerized storage of data. Do we really want to trust them with even more? The only real glimmer of hope is the rate at which government works. If it somehow made it past all legislation, I still think it would take them another decade to implement the system in any effective capacity. Still this has to stop now.

They work for us.

Day 4 Cubs 8

2008-05-22T19:19:00.000-07:00

I started the day with a full physical and ended it mowing the lawn. I can't wait for the weekend.

I've written three entries and deleted each of them because I don't feel they adequately express my voice or my heart. Hopefully I'll have something better in this space tomorrow.

Day 3 - Oh the things you'll learn

2008-05-21T18:30:00.001-07:00

I don't know how long I've been using Blogger, but I'm just now figuring out how to utilize the 'Title' box. Boy I'm getting quick in my old age.

Now for a new feature that I will hopefully make a regular feature.

Album/CD you need to listen to #1

The Avett Brothers - 'Emotionalism'

Alt-country, grunge-grass, and punk-country are all adjectives often used to try and describe the Avett Brothers. Seth and Scott Avett seamlessly combine americana instrumentation and harmonies with a punk spirit that takes the listener on one heck of a ride. 'Emotionalism' is my first exposure to the Avetts and I can't stop listening.

The opening track, 'Die Die Die,' with its upbeat banjo and tight harmonies are just the tip of the iceberg. Forewarning the album is all over the board, but I find that to be part of its charm. When they aren't throwing down laid back country, 'Paranoia in B-Flat Major,' 'I Would Be Sad,' and 'Go To Sleep,' they mix it up with some ballads, 'The Ballad of Love & Hate,' 'Shame,' and 'Hand-Me-Down-Tune.' Throw into that mix some upbeat bluegrashish music in 'Die Die Die,' 'Will You Return,' and 'Pretty Girl from San Diego.'

Even within songs they throw some curve balls. 'Salina' starts out slow, changes up to an up tempo country piece, and then ends on another slow note. 'Pretty Girl from Chile' makes at least two, if not three style changes throughout.

This isn't a band or an album that can be easily categorized. Many reviewers are quick to point out this is their most polished album. I've only heard two of their other albums. I'm not sure I would call those albums unpolished as much as I would point out each album has its own vibe built around some similar, basic themes.

All in all it isn't an album for everyone, but it is an album you should listen to at least once.

Will You Return - The Avett Brothers

Day 2

2008-05-20T18:41:00.000-07:00

I don't care what they say, one wrong inhale of air can ruin the rest of your night. I don't know what I did wrong earlier, but my body has valiantly tried to cough up a lung ever since. Breathing is an involuntary activity, there should be no room for error here.

Having said that it has been a good evening. If you are in the Louisville area I highly recommend the Homemade Pie and Ice Cream Kitchen.

Other than that is has been a quiet day both at work and at home. This is the hard part, I'm not sure I can come up with thirty things to make interesting. I think I'll be posting an album review tomorrow.

Day One: Twenty-nine to go

2008-05-19T18:47:00.000-07:00

So this is the beginning of the grand experiment. I'm going to try and write at least one entry a day each day for the next thirty days. Topics will vary. Some posts will be meaningful, some will be funny, some will be deep, some will be filler.

I'm off of a weeks of vacation and back in the real world as of today. Vacation went pretty good. I detached myself from the computer for almost a full week, only checking personal email once in that time period. I picked up a new Moleskine notebook and started to do some writing in my free time. The net result is one and a half articles and the beginnings of a book in mind. I hope that by writing here on a regular basis I'll be able to stir up my creative side and get more ideas going.

Other high points from last weeks:

-We took some time and saw 'Iron Man' this past weekend.

-I got to visit with my best friend Saturday night.

-I lost a round of mini-golf.

-We got to stay at a beautiful bed and breakfast with a very personable hostess.

-I picked up Casino Royale and the first season of This American Life used on DVD for good prices.

I also learned that no matter how I try to rationalize liking my job, it doesn't make it necesarily true. I have plenty of good days, but I was unconsciously stressed out yesterday knowing that I would be going to work today. As I stated in my last entry I feel like I have no direction at the moment. I don't know if I need to stay in computers, look to start a writing career, find a job in radio/music/music production, or look to a completely different direction. It's very frustrating and it is causing me a large amount of heart burn both figuratively and literally.

Strange days indeed.

2008-05-08T11:26:00.000-07:00

But I don't want to go on the cart

I announced that I wanted to start working towards writing for a living. Then I promptly quit writing.

What have we learned?

I'm not sure yet, but if you learned a valuable lesson please pass it on to me.

I plan on making a concerted effort to write a new post everyday for a month, but I'm not starting quite yet. In the past two weeks I've had two flat tires(making a total of four for the year so far) and a computer crash. Next week I will be out of town in Pennsylvania. I'm not going to say that it will start immediately when I get back, but definitely by June 1st. I'm also make no guarantee of quality of post either, but you should be used to that by now.

Other than the above things have been going well. Since my attempts to exercise on a regular basis have fallen into the abyss, I've decided to make dietary changes for the time being. I'm trying to eat healthier now. More vegetables, fruits, and in general healthy foods, less processed garbage and fast food. It has made a difference. I'm guessing I've lost a half to a full inch off of my waist. I don't have to resort to contortionist practices to get my jeans to button anymore. In general I feel better overall. Part of this change is due to my reading 'The Omnivores Dilemma" which is forever changing my perspective on food and the food industry. I was planning on reading the follow-up "In Defense of Food," but I think I want to take a break and read some fiction instead.

I've also put in a few hours of study in my current profession of tech support/software administration. If I don't aggressively pursue the writing path, I think I will aggressively pursue web development.

My real problem right now is not knowing. Ten years in the same job, almost a lifetime dedicated to the study of computers and I still don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. Broad strokes involved having kids, losing weight, and continuing to serve God and find ways to bring God to others, not necesarily in the order stated. At a micro level of the next year, two years, or five years I don't have a clue. Everything I read points to finding your passion and pursuing it. I know the talents that God has given me, I know what I enjoy doing, but I don't know how to mesh both of those with supporting a family.

Getting out of debt would probably open up some options though.

2008-03-23T03:43:00.000-07:00

Rejoice, Sunday is Here

2008-03-21T19:20:00.000-07:00

Saturday

What now?

I. . .WE gave it all up to follow you and for what?

Trapped in a town far away from home. Condemned as outcasts. Our own people won't even accept us. You were our hope. You promised a new kingdom. You said it was here, now. Why aren't we planning the revolution? You had the people. You had the passion. We would have died for you, for freedom, but you are the one laying in the grave.

We're scared and alone.

We should have known. The past week has been a blur. They welcomed you with open arms, laid down palm branches in your path. Caesar marched his army in the same day and didn't get the same praise and adoration.

Then the temple incident, the fig tree, and the passover meal. It all seems so surreal. Then that night in the garden. Peter reached out to defend you and you rebuked him. You REBUKED him.

Peter said the trial was a sham.

WHY DIDN'T YOU SPEAK UP?!?

You had the power to stop it. And Pilate up there all high and mighty. "I wash my hands" indeed. He knew and he did nothing to stop it.

Why the beatings? Why the degradation? Why the cross? Why? Why? WHY?!?

What are we supposed to do? We gave it all up and now . . . now we have nothing. NOTHING!

What have we done?

2008-03-21T03:24:00.000-07:00

It's Friday

I've seen this posted to other blogs in the past, but it bears repeating.

2008-03-10T18:32:00.001-07:00

Frustrated

Writer's block, very annoying. I'm stuck. Not just with writing, but with life in general. I churned out a podcast earlier tonight, but now I feel like it wasn't up to par and I shouldn't have posted it.

I want to write, but I have no idea what to write about.

Although the 'American Living' commercial that just came on reminds me that I want to write up a review of the Robert Plant/Allison Krauss album. I did a verbal review in the aforementioned podcast, but I feel that it too was lacking.

2008-03-08T20:30:00.000-08:00

The Soundtrack to My Life

This is part one of an ongoing series. I have many passions in my life. Behind God and my wife is music. Part of my writing is exploring the music that makes up the soundtrack to my life.

"Big Log" by Robert Plant

I don't know where I was when I first heard this song. I can only think it was late one night sometime in high school, but it could go back further than that. It is because of that I associate this song with night. Every time I hear it, no matter what time of day, it transports me somewhere. It is the perfect song for driving down the highway on a cool summer night, cool breeze circulating through the car. I don't know if it is the guitar or if it is the mournfulness of the lyrics. It is a song for when I'm alone. It doesn't work the same when I'm with a group of people.

2008-03-02T18:13:00.000-08:00

Cost? Pt. 3

When Jesus called the disciples to put down their nets and follow him it was a big deal. I don’t think we see that impact it had on their lives. Fishing was their livelihood. They weren’t out having a relaxing day on the lake, they were out trying to earn money and food so they could live. More than likely they were doing what their fathers, grandfathers, and great-grandfathers did. There wasn’t a world of opportunities like we have today.

They gave it all up on the word of a man they had never seen before.

I had trouble giving up cable TV a year ago so we could put the money towards our debt.

Now before you get the wrong idea, I'm not trying to beat anyone, least of all myself, up over this question. I don't have all of the answers. It comes down to where is God leading your heart. Our focus shouldn't be how much money and stuff we have. If you have a lot or if you have nothing I don't necesarily think it speaks to how God's blessings. Either way you go you take the risk making a God out of your focus. If you make good money, live in a big house, drive a nice car, etc. it can become God to you. If you give it all away, that very act can become God to you.

It all comes down to obedience to God. Obedience to giving time and money or obedience to giving up your self and your plans to take on a better plan.

Is it costing me? Yes, I'm sure I could have a better life in terms of every magazine cover and every television ad. I'm sure we could have a bigger house and newer cars, but that would be a bigger cost.

2008-03-01T05:29:00.000-08:00

Cost? Pt. 2

We give to our church on a regular basis. We hold around $35,000 in nothing but consumer debt. That debt could be paid of faster if we didn’t give at all, but I know the money is going to support other church plants in other cities that need to hear God’s word. I know that the money is going overseas to missionaries and funds to help people that truly know poverty. I wish we could give more.

I wish we were financially able to support a child through Compassion International. We just paid our last car payment and after a month or two I think we’ll be in a place to do just that.

There are people who are dying around the world because of poverty. I live in a country where I can run up $35,000 in CONSUMER DEBT in the blink of an eye. I have a few, or more than a few, extra pounds so I’m obviously not starving. For all of my complaint about the amount of pay I make or don’t make, not having had a raise in 3 years, I’m still making out pretty well. So well in fact that I can afford $20 a month for music, not to mention the used books and games I occasionally buy.

Yeah, I’m paying a huge cost.

2008-02-29T05:54:00.000-08:00

Cost? Pt. 1

Last week our pastor challenged us with a simple question: What is it costing you to follow Jesus? The idea is simple. When we choose to follow Jesus there should be some kind of cost involved. Now before you get the wrong idea I’m not saying we have to pay for salvation. Salvation is a gift given to us through loving grace. However, in accepting the gift you become overwhelmed with the need to serve, give, preach, teach, etc. no matter the cost to yourself.

Or you should to some degree. I’ve been mulling the question of cost over in my head for a few days now and I still don’t have all the answers. Honestly I DON’T see where there is a cost involved in my life.

I sacrifice sleep on Sunday mornings to help get things setup and occasionally run sound. I don’t see that as a cost. I enjoy it. It was and is part of what I’ve felt a calling to do for awhile now. Two or three years ago I was in the same boat as 80% of people who go to church. I would show up on Sunday, socialize with some friends, study the Bible some, and then go warm a pew seat while I listened to the sermon. I was a consumer Christian.

Then we did a study on our God given talents and how we could use them to serve the Church and local community. That was followed by a study on taking risks and getting out of the mindset of playing it safe. I was charged and motivated, but I had no outlet. I tried and tried to get involved and never could quite find any needs to fulfill. So I went back to warming the pew.

God kept calling. It was an insistent call that I was wasting away spiritually. It was time for a change. Fortunately my wife was hearing the same call so we visited another church. The church was also a solid, Bible based church that also happened to need a congregation that was willing to serve to keep things going. So here we are today still serving and still enjoying it.

But does that count as a cost?

2008-02-16T14:26:00.000-08:00

FYI

I wanted to let you know about Sphere of Hip-Hop's radio show. I dig their website and the radio show is fresh too. Would you consider checking it out? This Saturday night at 8pm Eastern / 5pm Pacific they are doing a special 1 Year Anniversary show and it's a 3 hour Top 50 countdown. Lots of dope music! Hit up their Myspace profile at Myspace.com/XMRadioShow to get more info on the show and to listen to an exclusive commercial featuring emcee Braille.

Simply visit the XM Radio Online trial page and fill out the information to receive your online trial subscription. If you dig the online version, a standalone XM Radio Online subscription costs just a few bucks per month. Then you can catch the Sphere of Hip-Hop show every Saturday night!

Get more information on Sphere of Hip-Hop at any of their websites including:

* Sphereofhiphop.com (online magazine)
* SphereofhiphopMP3.com (download some tunes)
* SphereofhiphopTV.com (watch videos and live performances)
* SphereofhiphopStore.com (online hip-hop shop with CDs, vinyl records, downloads and some other stuff)
* Myspace.com/Sphereofhiphop (add the main Sphere profile as a friend)

2008-02-16T07:42:00.001-08:00

One last note

I'm writing here more often because I want to exercise my writing muscles. I guess you can add me to the ever growing list of people who want to write for a living. I don't quite have my voice yet and I'm not sure exactly what I want to write. To that end I hope to add different kinds of writings to this blog. Look for reviews, story snip-its, and anything else I can come up with as well as the usual.

2008-02-16T07:36:00.000-08:00

Compassion

If you haven't taken the chance to use the Compassion International widget in the sidebar, please do so now. Each one of the tabs on the bottom will bring up links to blogs, pictures, and videos taken in Uganda this week and the impact that Compassion is having on lives there. The stories are very moving and will really put your life in perspective if you let them.

2008-02-16T07:20:00.001-08:00

Shallow?

I'm not sure wanting the $500 makes me less shallow.

BTW- The site I linked to contains content that some, maybe even most, would find offensive. If you are easily offended either don't click or don't complain to me.

2008-02-07T18:41:00.000-08:00

Death at 70mph

I'm one of those people who doesn't necesarily understand the full scope of the situation until after it passes. 5:20 Tuesday afternoon I'm driving home as usual. I'm a little over a mile from my exit and I decide to pass a semi as we are starting up an incline. As soon as I switched lanes and started accelerating I knew something was wrong.

My first thought was that I had hit the airflow coming off of the truck. My steering wheel went to jello, but I was able to complete my manuver and catch my exit ramp a few minutes later. As the car started to decelerate I could feel the thump-thump-thump of a flat tire. So I pulled over to a parking lot at the top of the ramp and changed the tire, with some assistance from a kind passer-by. I couldn't find anything wrong with the tire, it didn't appear that I had run over anything. I threw the flat in the trunk and went on my way.

Later on in the night I sent an email to my boss to let her know I would be late arriving to work as I needed to get the tire fixed or replaced. It finally occured to me that my tire spontaneously went flat. . .AT 70 MILES PER HOUR.

Here I thought I was blessed with 60 degree weather when I was changing the flat.

Somewhat anti-climactically it turns out the valve stem on the tire had failed and I had to replace the tire. Fortunately the tire was covered with a road hazard warranty so the replacement didn't cost much more than it would have to fix the flat.

2008-02-04T19:25:00.000-08:00

This Just In

90% Geek

2008-02-04T18:09:00.000-08:00

A Significant Question

Shaun Groves struck a chord, no pun intended, with me in this blog entry. He wrote about how an incident early in his life has had a lasting impact on his view of himself and his continual drive to do better. I think we all face the same problem. I've met plenty of confident people in my life and everyone of them deals with insecurity in the face of their perceived significance. Now some people deal with it better than others, but we all deal with it.

I personally feel as though I have to live up to the expectations of my friends and family. I see myself as just average. After reading this blog you may see me as below average. I keep striving to do more and do better so people won't see me for the fraud I am. In the past year, maybe two, I've managed to come to some peace with those feelings. In the past few weeks there have been a couple of times that I feel like I'm living up to the hype.

It isn't up to me though. My worth shouldn't be planted in how other see me or how I see myself. Jesus died for me and that makes all of the difference. That takes all of the expectations away. I didn't start this post with the intent of bringing God into it. It just happens. The changes in my esteem coincide with other changes that have happened in my life, my marriage, and my relationship with Jesus and the Church in the past year. It is this continual growth that will allow me to reach the potential and plans that God has for my life. It is liberating, so liberating.

I know in the days and weeks to come I will inevitably chide myself for not doing my best or my all whether I have or not. I will get mad that I've slacked or I've done just enough to get the job done. I will convince myself that I'm not as smart or clever as others think I am. Even as I write this entry I consider that it may very well be self congratulating blather. I'll say that I don't care what others think, but I do. I'll re-read it and harshly criticize it in my mind. I'm my own worst enemy in this way and in those really dark times when I've shut myself down I have to remember what God through Jesus has done for me.

Check out Shaun's blog when you get a chance. The Compassion International widget on the right hand side originated from there. He has some wonderful insights, but most of all he's down to earth and personally I feel his writing blows mine out of the water. Have I ever steered you wrong?

2008-01-31T19:23:00.000-08:00

A Different Perspective

I was checking a friend's blog when I noticed he had run into circumstances similar to what I had run into a week or two ago. We both faced what seemed to be insurmountable problems with the structure of our homes. In his case he lost electricity because, to generalize the problem, the breaker box was fried,. In my case our bathroom flooded because the main drainage pipe out of our house was clogged with a tree root. Two major problems that happen to two guys unexpectedly. Both problems presumably come with a high price to resolve.

I would like to say that we both reacted the same way, but I can't lie even on the internet. As I read his story I saw grace and patience in abundance. I read has he put his money where his mouth is and had faith that God would take care of him and his family. I marveled as he saw God's hand working through the whole problem, even when I'm sure he was getting frustrated. Then I wondered why I didn't have that same faith and insight.

It isn't as though I couldn't have had it. I'm getting ahead of myself though. Journey back to last Labor Day. My sister-in-law and her family were coming to town to visit and stay with us. Not an hour after they got here we started having problems with water in the bathroom floor. My wife had taken a shower and when she got out there was two inches of water in the floor. We didn't think anything of it until we ran the load of towels we used to clean up that mess and another one appeared. Our plumbing wasn't at a total loss, we could still use sinks and the toilet. However the shower and laundry were out. My sister-in-law's family checked into a hotel and we made due for the weekend. We were fortunate to find a plumber to come out on Labor Day and take a look at the problem. He ran a snake down our drain vent and cleared the line. We thought it might have been a tree root, but we weren't sure where the line ran through the yard and the plumber was confident we wouldn't have any problems for awhile. Two weeks ago it happened again. So I called the plumber and worked from home while he ran the snake through the line again. Three days later it happened again. The plumber was pretty sure the line would have to be replaced, but he had me call MSD(Metropolitan Sewer District) to make sure the problem was not on their end of the line. They came out, marked the line as being under our driveway, and told me the problem was around 35 feet in, but they only handle the first 25 feet. So I called the plumber, he came out and cut through the driveway. That was Monday.

Tuesday the plumber returned with a Bobcat and an assistant and started digging straight down. Turns out the line that was there was our water line. So the plumber called to have the rest of the utilities marked in our yard. Wednesday he came out and started digging across the front of our yard parallel to the public sidewalk until he found the line, then he dug back down the line, and replaced the clay pipe with PVC. Twice after that we had some additional issues that cause out bathroom to flood both times. The problem has been fixed on a long term yet temporary basis for now.

Two years ago, maybe even as recent as a year ago this would have been devastating. There would have been much stress and many arguments throughout the week this was happening. There was still stress and still arguments, but not as many. The point is despite the fact I can work from home during these emergencies and despite that I knew God was in control of the situation, I didn't rely on Him as much as I could have. I had so much to be grateful for in this trial. I have a house, someone was there to help us with the bill, and there is no extensive damage as a result of the flooding. If I would've prayed more and focused on the blessings I had, much like my friend is doing, the arguments and stress could have been avoided.

Having said that I'm not trying to beat myself up over the situation. It's reading stories like this that inspire me. It gives me hope that as I continually walk with God, He will change my heart so that in the future I will stop and know that He is Lord.

2008-01-22T19:32:00.000-08:00

Thoughts on Roe vs. Wade

35 years have passed since the crucial case of Roe vs. Wade was decided by Supreme Court. I listened to the radio news report of the many groups of Pro-Life advocates that marched in D.C. against legalized abortion. It made me stop and think about that decision and how I do or should react to it. I realized my brain tried so hard to make the issue black and white in the same way the most ardent proponents on both sides of the issue try to make it black and white. I think as Christians we especially polarize the issue as if to say it is the lynch pin to our salvation. It is something I think about a lot and I have my conclusions, but those conclusions don't gel with generally accepted conclusions.

I am Pro-Life and so is my wife. We will not have an abortion. I know the arguments against and the ramifications of that statement. It is something I've prayed about, it is something I have faith about, and if we don't share that faith, I may not be able to explain it to you to your satisfaction. That is just the way it is. The sticking point is where my belief intersects with the rest of the world.

I don't feel comfortable imposing my choice in the matter on every other person on the planet. I don't see this as an issue that the court should have ever decided one way or the other. I feel that if abortions were made illegal, it won't stop them from happening. I realize it will slow down the rate at which they will happen. I realize it will cause a lot of women to think twice about what they are doing. I also realize that many more women will be harmed because the choose to have the abortion anyway in an unsafe environment. I think that Planned Parenthood and other Pro-Choice organizations are bending the truth when they argue for the woman's right to abort, especially when they reportedly won't allow an eleventh hour change of heart. I think that many Christian organizations are over-the-top in their zeal to stop abortion and condemn those who perform or have abortions.

I find the dark irony that many Pro-Life advocates want to save the baby, but have no problem ending the life of the criminal. I find the sad irony that so much energy, money, and time is spent trying to save the unborn at the expense of those who are already born and are starving in third world countries. It is my belief that the Church, while certainly working under good intentions, has dropped the ball in so many ways.

I think that for every Pro-Choice counseling center there should be a Pro-Life counseling center to offer an alternative. I feel that if a woman changes her mind at the last minute, she should be allowed to walk away and have the baby. I feel like a woman's choice isn't limited to the time period after sex has happened and a baby can just as easily be avoided by abstaining or at least using birth control. I get tired of hearing about the medical cases and the rape victims, not because I don't believe they exist, but because they form such a small percentage of the argument. Most of all I get tired of hearing about the woman's right to choose when eight times out of ten that right is clearly reflective of our selfish society.

I think that as the Church we need to have more faith in God to change the heart of people. I think we need to quit using the government as a mechanism to enforce our morality on everyone else. It doesn't work. Its our job to go out and love the world. It is our job to care for the sick, the poor, and the hurting. When we depend on the government to do that job, we get lazy.

We need to look at our motivations and ask ourselves if this is truly furthering the kingdom of God.

2008-01-21T14:32:00.000-08:00

What would you do?

So I was looking at my server today trying to salvage a couple of sites I had setup. I recently replaced my router with one that is a bit faster and easier to secure, but it uses a totally different IP scheme and I lost all of my router mappings. I think I have everything re-mapped correctly, but I'm still having issues getting the domain name to resolve to the server. Should I keep trying to has this out or should I scrap the current server, upgrade to the latest version of Ubuntu, and rebuild everything?

On the one hand I don't really feel like doing all of the legwork to get the problems resolved, on the other hand I don't really feel like reloading everything either.

2008-01-01T18:30:00.000-08:00

This is the end, the end, the end of our story

Well, maybe not so much the end as of yet, but it is nearing. With all endings there must be new beginnings. Sometime in the next few months I will stop blogging here and setup my own wordpress blog on my own server so I can maintain control of my own content.

Maybe I'll be switching careers this year, although this seems less certain. I'm really burned out with working in the computer industry professionally. At least I am burned out with the parts I have been working with. I'm thinking of switching to web design as one of my options. However, I also think this might be a time to look for something completely different. I just don't know what yet.

Welcome to 2008, here is to new beginnings and brighter days.

2007-12-01T03:26:00.000-08:00

That explains a lot

I noticed my downloads were happening quicker. I tested my speed again and the results were quite amazing.

2007-10-25T16:14:00.000-07:00

'Cause tomorrow is another day

I bloody well hate days like today or weeks like this week. It's been hard. I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed with a project at work and I'm having a lot of problems facing the work at hand. I feel like I've let my productivity drop off, but I don't know how to get around it. I haven't worked out in a little over a month. All in all things need to change before they get worse. I don't know if it is the weather, gray days, or it is my flee instinct. I actually think it's something deeper. I am and have been very discontented lately.

On the flip side I have mapped out some goals for the coming year to further my technical education.

Then flip back and I'm feeling overwhelmed by the financial situation we are in. I'm having a hard time letting go of somethings and I'm having a real hard time making the necessary spending changes in my own life .

Yeah, just add me to the list of whiny people who have nothing better to blog about :)

2007-06-01T15:21:00.000-07:00

With a melon?!?

Another week in the books and what a week it has been. Nothing really stood out as wrong, but Monday through Wednesday I was absolutely not with it. Periodically, although it seems more often than not lately, I go through these periods of low ambition. It could be burn out from pushing myself to hard, it could be a complete lack of interest in what is going on in my life. Whatever the cause, I have a hard time being motivated to do anything. Read, listen to music, throw myself into optional projects at work, etc. Days like yesterday and today make up for it. I throw myself head long into life and get things done. If I had more days like this I could TAKE. OVER. THE. WORLD. BWHAHA BWHAHA BWHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Ahem.

I'm feeling much better now.

Oh, and could everyone take a step back and reevaluate their driving practices. Seriously, 50% of the accidents that happen could be avoided if we all drove like we cared a bit. Get off my bumper, use your signal, and stop when the light is red. That's all I ask. Don't get me started about motorcyclists either. That's a blog post for another day.

"It's a good thing we didn't say anything about the knife"

2007-05-20T20:47:00.000-07:00

It's been a week.

It's been a week. I can't say I'm looking forward to the next week either. Hopefully I'll be better at managing my time so I can do more things like updating this blog and publishing a new podcast.

I'll be adding some rants to this blog pretty soon, they should be entertaining if nothing else. Tell your friends.

2007-05-14T18:12:00.001-07:00

How Fast Are You?

From Home

From Work(wish it was from home)

2007-05-14T11:05:00.001-07:00

One Year, roughly, Update

I was reading over what little I had posted in the last year. I noticed I put up some information on trying to diet and lose weight with direction from my doctor. Earlier this year I had a follow-up appointment with the sleep clinic and while my sleep has vastly improved, my weight hadn't. To add insult, or a wake up call depending on when you ask me, the doctor there said he would write a recommendation for me to have Gastric Lap Band surgery. The procedure is not as severe as Gastric Bypass, but garners the same results. Either way it is a procedure which is the last thing I want. At that time I was determined to prove him wrong by my appointment next year.

I just had a six month follow-up with my general practitioner and it was a good news/bad news situation. The good news is that I have cracked the 300 lb. barrier and now weigh approximately 297 lbs. The bad news is that my blood pressure is up a bit and we are looking at changing my medication around. I wanted to be further along at this point in the game, say about 275-280 lbs, but I'll take the ground I've gained so far.

Since our dog passed and I'm not obligated to walk her in the morning, my exercise has dropped off. I really need to get back into the gym.

2007-05-10T21:02:00.000-07:00

I'm moving back here. Frankly I find this to be a better platform in which to create. That and I'm really getting tired of the 'True' dating site ads on MySpace.

If only I could find a way to post to both blogs to keep readers happy.

Who am I kidding, readers?

2007-04-28T07:08:00.001-07:00

On Death and Dying

If you look in my pictures you will see a picture of our basset hound Lady. In the past month Lady was diagnosed with cancer. It started with a lame leg, which the vet originally thought was soft tissue damage. Three weeks later the x-rays clearly showed a tumor on the bone. The biopsy confirmed cancer, a rather agressive form at that. The vet thinks it started somewhere else in the body and the tumor is an outgrowth of that. The cancer is so aggressive that the vet did not recommend trying to treat it at this stage and instead to make her as comfortable as we could for as long as we could.

It has been three weeks since then, Lady has lost a lot of weight and as of last night she is starting to lose her ability to move around. Her good back leg works sometimes and sometimes not at all. We called the vet and determined that she is probably in a lot of pain and it is time to let her go. Today at noon we will be putting her to sleep.

It's going to be a rough day

2006-08-19T11:43:00.000-07:00

We are moving.

I signed up for a MySpace page a year ago to go with my webcast and then pretty much ignored it. I'm changing that now, I've got it all updated and such and I'm moving my blog to that site as I don't want to maintain multiple sites. You can link to it here:

http://blog.myspace.com/matman42

2006-07-25T09:51:00.000-07:00

Ya Dewn't Say

Your Inner European is Irish!

Sprited and boisterous!You drink everyone under the table.

Who's" Your Inner European?

2006-06-21T13:34:00.000-07:00

Get me the Pentagon.

Just a brief update. 15 weeks and I've only had 5 sodas in that time. I think after I got past the "need" to have soda I was ok with having one now and again. Exercise regiment isn't as strict as it should be, especially in light of a major project at work. I'm down to 326 lbs. Starting last week I'm doing the 'Coutch to 5k' running program from coolrunning.com. Needless to say I knew I was out of shape, just not quite as bad as I really am. Hopefully I actually be able to run 3 miles sometime in September with only minor problems. I'll keep you all up-to-date.

I can't wait for this week to be over. We are finishing up a major migration project and I'm in for a lot of overtime. I'm having some balance issues right now. It seems I have to concentrate on office work or house work and keeping up relations with my wife, but I don't have time to keep up with reading, studying, my online radio station, my podcast, etc. I have a real issue in procrastination also. I put things off until the very last minute. If I was better about my time management I might be able to devote time to the above.

I'm getting ready to add more to my plate too so we shall see if I'm ready for it or if it will be breakdown city.

Keep me in your prayers.

2006-04-17T05:30:00.000-07:00

I don't sleep, I drink coffee instead

So about halfway through last year I was suffering from some major fatigue issues. I mean fatigue so bad I was falling asleep at me desk at work and it wasn't voluntary. So I called a doctor and they had to establish me as a patient which meant the one thing. The one thing I had been avoiding for a decade and a half atleast.

A physical.

So I scheduled a physical for November of last year and suffered for a few monthes through the fatigue. Somedays were normal, some were horrible. The worst was when I went to Bethesda, MD. for training in October. Class was horrible with me spending more time concentrating on staying awake then actual learning. Then I would get out of class and do and see as much as I could, eat horrible, and keep an absolutely poor sleeping schedule. The weekend I had between class weeks I did a lot in D.C. because it was only a 20 minute metro ride in and there was a lot I wanted to see. That Sunday I was sitting in bed at 9:00ish and I told myself I was going to check email and go to sleep. I woke up at 12:30, still sitting in bed with the laptop on my legs. I don't remember falling asleep, it was pretty much blackout city and a bit frightening, but I chalked it up to extreme fatigue and went about my business.

The drive out wasn't bad, the drive back was horrible. The lack of sleep I had + rainy day + 10 hour drive = miracle I'm still alive. I stopped several times to sleep for 20 minutes at a rest stop or convenience store parking lot or in one case a country church parking lot. I really don't remember the last half an hour of the trip at all.

So I had my physical and my blood pressure was high, the doctor referred me to a sleep clinic, I did a sleep test and was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. I got the CPAP machine and I've been using it for monthes and I can't begin to describe the difference it has made in my life. My docotor has me on blood pressure medicine and its dropping slowly but surely. The doc has also been on me to lose weight, roughly 160 pounds.

This week marks the 6th week since I had a soda. It was part one of my plan to lose some weight. I just had a doctors visit and he says I've gained weight. I respectfully disagree for many reasons, but I'm still too heavy.

"Where is all of this leading?" you ask, or if your into Python "Get on with it!"

Today I'm starting back on something I haven't done in two years, early morning workouts. I intend, if nothing else, to make weekly updates on my weight here so I can feel like I have some accountablity somewhere, even if noone is reading.

Todays weigh in: 335 lbs
Target weight short-term: 290
Target weight long-term : 185
Today's workout: 30 minutes on the treadmill(5 warm up, 20 workout, 5 cool down) and 10 minutes of hard stretching.

I'm starting out easy to keep from burning out too fast. Hopefully I'll have good news in a year or two.

2006-01-05T06:38:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!!!!

I know a few days late and a few dollars short. I'm not going to wax poetic about my resolutions and how I'm going to make this a better year in my health, family, and such. I have already been working on those and it just feels ingenuous to "resolve" to do those things.

Anyway, I do plan on writing more here and possibly doing a podcast of some kind this year, if I can keep my computer up and running smoothly.

So I was watching the Today show this morning and I realized that I'm getting more and more disinfranchised with the way they report things, especially the interviews. It isn't just the Today show that does it, but that is where I noticed it the first time. This morning Katie Couric was interview two children of one of the miners that died in the mining accident in West Virginia this week. One of the questions she asked really put me out of sorts. Now keep in mind the two kids were in their late teens early twenties.

Katie asked, "Your father had only been working in this mine for approximately six months. Why did he feel the need to continue working in the mining industry?"

My jaw kind of dropped at that point. I'm asking myself, who in America is really asking these questions right now? Isn't it obvious that he has been working in mines all of his life, it is what he knows and does? Its like asking me "Why do you choose to work on computers?"

BECAUSE THEY PAY ME AND I KNOW HOW TO. . .DUH!!!!!!!!

Which was pretty much the response from the kids, minus the duh of course as it is national television and we can't make the interviewer look bad or atleast any more bad than she is making herself look right now.

Maybe it is just me, but it feels like the media is getting worse about how they report. I realize that news is no longer just the facts. I realize that sensationalism is what gets the ratings. To a degree it isn't their fault, they are only giving us what we ask for. Maybe we should ask for more from them. I don't know, but I'm pretty sure I won't be able to take this much longer.

2005-09-28T12:15:00.000-07:00

RUBBER BABY BUGGY BUMPERS

2005-09-27T05:42:00.000-07:00

Today's quote:

I just read this and I couldn't pass up sharing it with the world.

'It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power.'-- David Brin, science fiction novelist

So true, so true.

2005-09-19T15:28:00.000-07:00

Yo ho Yo ho It's talk like a pirate day

You are The Cap'n!

Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man you couldn't eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones' locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!

Well, I'm off to cook dinner for the crew. Tonight I'll be woking the plank.

2005-09-01T13:48:00.000-07:00

Apparently this low. . .

Terry Ebbert, head of the city's emergency operations, warned that the slow evacuation at the Superdome had become an "incredibly explosive situation," and he bitterly complained that FEMA was not offering enough help.
"This is a national emergency. This is a national disgrace," he said. "FEMA has been here three days, yet there is no command and control. We can send massive amounts of aid to tsunami victims, but we can't bail out the city of New Orleans."

The above is quoted from a news story at : http://www.wave3.com/Global/story.asp?S=3795426&nav=0RZEe2BD

I've been watching the television coverage for the past two days and I'm torn between pain, hurt, and anger. There are people who deserve aid and there are people taking pot shots at the National Guard and those trying to rescue them. Patience no longer exists in the hurricane devestated areas of Louisiana and Mississippi. On the news cries of "Help us help us" resound from tired, sick, hungry, and devestated citizens. It leads me to ask the following questions:

This wasn't an unexpected event, many people evacuated out of state or to the dome atleast.

1. Why didn't these people get out of the city when they could?

2. We knew about this, why didn't we send National Guard in and evacuate those who could not do it for themselves?

3. Where is the world aid? How many times have we helped the world in aid and rebuilding? Time to step up world.

I'm not there, I didn't live through it and I've never lived through anything like this before. I will feel the effects in gas prices and increases in the price of goods and services. I can't pretend I know what they are going through and I can't pretend that I wouldn't be behaving the same way. I would hope I wouldn't. I would hope I could find a reasonable solution to the problems around me, but I don't know. To that end the blame game needs to end. There is too much at risk for disharmony to rule.

2005-08-31T09:45:00.000-07:00

How low can you go?

This is quoted from an article on a local newsite:

"Staff members at Children's Hospital huddled with sick youngsters and waited in vain for help to arrive as looters tried to break through the locked door, Blanco spokeswoman Denise Bottcher told the newspaper. Neither the police nor the National Guard arrived"

The article is here: http://www.wave3.com/Global/story.asp?S=3788764

It didn't take long. When established authority is gone or helpless anarchy rushes in the fill the void. Much like the water that rushed out of the sky and ocean to wreak havoc, the looters are out in force. Granted it is probably a small number of the total population that has instigated this despicable behavior. It is unfortunate in these times of pain and suffering that anyone would stoop so low. It really doesn't give much credit to humanity to know this is how we face adversity and hardship.

For those in Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and Texas my heartfelt prayers go out for you in this time of trouble. For those of you who have taken this opportunity to "better" yourselves, may God have mercy on your souls.

2005-06-01T19:07:00.000-07:00

She fell in love with the drummer, she fell in love with another

It's been one of those days trying to fight fatigue and all. Not sure what is causing it and all. I'm guessing I'm just not getting enough quality sleep and yet here I am writing instead of sleeping.

Jealousy is a hard animal to tame, nay to cage. I run a webcast at www.tetelestai-radio.com and have done so for a couple of years now. Today freerock1.com changed over to www.chargeradio.com. That got a lot of coverage on a site that I frequent and it has been hard to watch because of my foolish, jealous nature. I wish them nothing but the best and I know that if I only did something more than gripe and moan I could do more with my webcast. The question then becomes who is my webcast really for, what is my motivation? Is it personal glory? After today I'm not sure I can answer that question comfortably. This is supposed to be my ministry for God, not for me. It isn't for my glory, but HIS. Because of that I also feel shame and disgust at not giving my best to it. It's a vicious cycle.

I really do wish them the best though, I'm somewhat friends with one of the co-program directors and I think they've taken that station in the right direction. It rocks, check it out if you get a chance.

Then come back to mine;)

Now Playing: Brad Stine - Animal Rights Activists on Tetelestai-radio.com

2005-05-25T20:02:00.000-07:00

Thanks that was fun. . .don't forget. . .no regrets

Well I think I'm going to have fun with the picture feature for this blog. I do apologize if the picture is a bit too cheesy.

Why is it I am so afraid to move forward, but once I do I find the travel is easy? I've been putting off working on a project for a week or so due to other commitments and I finally got into it tonight. I figured out two things that were bothering me and made major head way into the project. It usually happens that way. I let fear or frustration paralyze me too much.

I wish I could get the motivation to take on more challenges, but I don't. Maybe someday, sometime I will look back and see this was foolishness, but for now I feel I'm stuck in the quicksand of indecision and apathy. David wrote in Psalms of feeling this way and how God pulled him free and put him on steady ground. What makes me think that God will do the same for me when I can't take time out of my day and work on my relationship with Him? I feel pretty crappy right now and have for a few days. I know in a week or two it will be a passing memory fading like headlights on an empty highway. I know I'll bounce back and I'll be singing and dancing and praising and making all kinds of promises again about how I'm going to change my life for myself, my God and my family. And yet it will not happen. As I read the words I've written perhaps I've found a clue as to why, but will I truly learn from it.

I need a change in attitude AND a change in latitude. I am crazy, but I feel I'm still going insane.

2005-05-25T19:54:00.000-07:00

Look mom I'm at work.

From the Department of Imagination

2004-12-07T14:24:00.000-08:00

Just changed the name of the blog, keep up with the times and all. Well, 30 came and went with more whimper than bang, but it was enjoyable and no I don't feel any older or wiser. I didn't expect to though. My wife threw me a great party with some blasts and friends from the past and all in all I wouldn't have traded it for the world.

If you are wondering about the new title of the blog, I haven't a good explanation. The jars of clay is a reference to a Biblical passage that refers to 'treasures in jars of clay' meaning the gift that God gives us that we keep in our hearts. I've never been one to conform to anything including my church. Don't get me wrong, I love my church family and the diversity it brings. However, God made each of us unique and individual and I think we should celebrate that individuality in the body and not force each other into roles or rules that don't belong.

It's a rainy, blah day out and I need to get things done tonight. I love the winter and cool weather, but sometimes I just want to see some sun.

2004-10-21T13:27:00.000-07:00

Just give me what I want and nobody gets hurt. . .

Time for honesty. With myself and with whoever maybe reading. I'm a terribly insecure person. It is kind of a dichotimy with me. I make friends easily, I'm intelligent(both book and common sense), and for the most part people like it when I'm around. Or atleast they haven't told me otherwise. I'm not arrogant, I don't think I'm the smartest, definitly not the strongest, fastest, or best looking. I am me and for the most part I am content to be me.

However, I'm can and will second guess myself and do so often. The great news I had last post doesn't seem as shiny and great right now. Maybe it is just me being impatient, it wouldn't suprise me, but. . . Sometimes deep friendships just don't happen the way you'd expect them to.

I guess we will see.

2004-10-14T11:37:00.000-07:00

Uno, Dos, Tres, Catorce

The devil maybe in the details, but God still has the whole plan. I feel as though this really great thing has happened and I need to be dancing and singing. Imagine what would happen if I got a new job or something major.

I've been praying about God sending me an accountability partner for awhile now. For awhile now I've been considering asking someone I know. Today that person asked me. Some would say God works in mysterious ways and sometimes I would be inclined to agree with them. Today isn't one of those days.

Now if I could just get past this job thing :)

2004-10-12T06:54:00.000-07:00

One. . .oh one. . .the only way is one

I'm not getting up any earlier than I was, but working out in the morning has this knack for making one feel tired. Currently I'm waiting for a fire drill to begin at work. Other than that it seems to be a bland day. I'm not complaining about that either.

So I started working out again after four monthes of down time. I'm easing into it so I don't feel sore, though my legs are more tired than normal. It's gray outside, which is how I imagine the perfect fall day. Cool weather, just cool enough you need a long sleeve shirt or sweater. The sky is gray and unforgiving, providing the perfect background for the rainbow of colors each tree provides. It's the kind of day I want to sit out on a porch or deck with a good book or magazine and a cup of hot coffee.

Better yet, I think a laptop with wireless and a good connection would work too. Either way it wouldn't be here. I hate slow days.

2004-10-11T10:41:00.000-07:00

19 days and counting

So many dreams and goals unaccomplished. How do I take responsibility for my life? There is so much potential that I don't live up to and I don't know how to get there.

We just started 40 Days of Purpose at church. I've read the book before and fully intend to again during this 40 day period. What is my purpose? Why am I here? I know I'm here to glorify God and to spread His good word, but beyond that. . .What are the specifics?

I started this blog as an idea to track the road and goals I set for myself as I finished out my 20's and nothing has changed. I have the same goals and desires. I have to change, *I* have to find a way to do things right by God, by my wife, and by myself. I have to take more time to try, to study, to relax, to workout.

How do I do it?

I work from 8 to 5.

5:30 Wake up
6:00-7:00 Workout
7:00-7:30 Shower and clean up
7:30-8:00 Breakfast, quiet time
8:00-5:00 Work
5:00-5:30 Drive home
5:30-7:30 Study
7:30-8:30 Fix supper and eat
8:30-9:30 Recreational time
9:30~10:00 Go to sleep

Sounds great in a perfect world, maybe it's something I need to try.

2004-07-27T19:05:00.000-07:00

If I should slip, will they catch me, or watch me fall

I'm having one of those weeks again. I'm reading the book 'Steps to Relevance' and I just hit one of those moments that I'm sure God is speaking to me. The author explained that when Jesus came to his disciples the threw down their nets and followed Him. The author goes on to explain that sometimes it isn't the negative that keeps us from God, but the positive. The nets were a means of life and identity for the disciples. They willingly gave that up without question when Jesus asked them to. How often do we fall into the trap of letting our lives, our jobs, our identities get in the way of God. I'm desparately searching for my calling and what God wants me to do. I keep trying to pigeon hole it into radio or computers though. I HAVE to accept the possibility that God will use me in another way if I want to go to the next step. I can say that I want that to happen, but can I live it?

I so desparately want a job that I can enjoy going to each day. I don't like hating the job I have. Whenever I hear someone whose really where God wants them to be talk, they are filled with happiness and peace. I know that no matter what they face on a daily basis, they like what they are doing. I want the same. I may not be ready. I may never actually get there, God may have another road for me to travel. I just wish I knew which way I was supposed to be going.

2004-02-07T19:48:00.000-08:00

So here I sit late on a Saturday night contemplating my future. I have a cert test in a week and I'm really not prepared. I need to be studying, but I can't get the motivation to.

I watched The Italian Job tonight. Good, mindless piece of cinema. I liked it, it was a fun film.

I have no motivation to do anything. I'm settling for mediocrity right now. I really want to feel charged up about something. That doesn't happen a lot. I get little charges now and then, but nothing life changing. I don't know why. Is it the job? Have I gotten use to doing so much for so little that I don't see any better life than that?

Ask anyone who knew me ten years ago and I can bet that they would've said I was going to have done more with my life than I am now. I can't even get the energy to up and serve God properly and that's the most important thing in my life. I feel like I'm trudging through the days just "getting by." That isn't life, that's existing. I want to do more than exist, I want to make a difference. It isn't that I want to changes things so my life will be better, I want to make a quiet impact on the world around me. I want to change it without it realizing that I'm doing it. I don't want a spotlight, I don't want fame, I just want to do a job that I care about. I can give my 100% daily to the job I'm doing, but am I really if I don't actually enjoy it?

In a little more than 8 monthes I'll be 30 years old. Will I look back to this writing and realize that nothing has changed? I wonder. Things should be different, life should be more enjoyable. At the very least, I should be doing what God put me here to do.

2003-12-21T19:23:00.000-08:00

I knew I was getting disjointed in my blogging. I completely forgot to call my best friend in the whole world on his 30th birthday and I'm really feeling like crap about it. That's probably been the theme for my whole day though since I realized my faux paus this morning.

ARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!

The madness is never going to end.

Okay, I feel marginally better now.

Paul, if you happen to see this, Happy Belated Birthday and I'll call you this week sometime.

2003-12-21T19:20:00.000-08:00

I think the term is mental breakdown, but I'm not sure anymore. I'm ready for Christmas vacation. I haven't updated here in awhile because: a. my goals for life have dropped off the map and b. I've been unusually busy at work and haven't had much free time.

Have you ever been to a point in your life where you can't focus on anything? I have goals. I want to lose weight. I want to get certified and learn more about programming for the web, computer security, and networks in general. I have a stack of books and magazines I would like to read. I have a house I would like to clean up and organize. Somewhere in there I would like to spend time with my wife also.

I can't focus long enough to get one thing done. In a given night I have 5 very usuable hours to do things and I usually end up screwing them away doing nothing of importance. It's very frustrating. I used to be so much more focused than this.

Now I'm rambling. Excuse my poor grammer and or punctuation and spelling. I'm working on that also.

The webcast is going good. I'm pushing to try and get things worked out so I can switch over to MP3Pro around the begining of 2004. This would mean more to you the listener as it improves the overall quality of the stream.

I'm very tired and I'm really not up for going to work at all this coming week. Wednesday I get to go to Alton, Il. and see my grandmother and my uncle's family for Christmas. I can't wait to just be able to relax.

If I don't get a chance to update again before then I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas.

2003-11-05T18:05:00.000-08:00

Perhaps I'll start updating more often. Not likely though. Work keeps me pretty busy and coming home all I want to do is crash. This weekend I'm working overtime AND I have to work yard cleanup in somehow.

I have an interview for a helpdesk position at a hospital in town. I've been working helpdesk/deskside install for 6 years now. I have a MCP in Windows 2000 and my A+ certification as well as a Bachelor's in Computer Information Systems. I'm also just an all around geek when it comes to computers. In addition to sometimes blogging I run a webcast at http://www.tetelestai-radio.com.

I starting the first week of running in my workout program today. This week is a half hour of alternating 2 minutes running and 4 minutes walking. I make it through 3.5 sets of running and walked the rest. It wasn't my lack of lung strength that kept me out of the run, it was my legs not used to being punished. I'm just hoping in the long run this will help me out.

Hey, if you want to check out a real good blog try http://www.wilwheaton.net. The guy rocks as a writer.

Just finished up watching Smallville. I'm really getting hooked on the show this season. If you haven't seen it yet I apologize, but I thought it was so cool to see Jor-El do something Clark hasn't: FLY!

I'm a comic book geek too.

This blog is being brought to you from a laptop on a wireless connection. Now you might say this isn't anything to write home about as wireless is popping up everywhere. The cool part is having a laptop with built in wireless. I would love to own it, too back it's a company loaner. I like being able to connect from anywhere in the house. If anyone wants to donate a laptop or money for a laptop, please let me know:)

Well Angel is on the new WB Wednesday so I better stop for now. Don't want to get too disjointed in my posting.

2003-10-30T14:12:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to me. 365 days until the big 3 0 .

My how time will fly. So I was looking into a workout routine to help get back into the gym. The workout room where I work has a sheet that helps non-runners work up to running 30 minutes. I think I'll take up the challenge. I've been going through the pre-workout warming up this week, walking on the treadmill 20 minutes. Next week I bump it to 30 minutes and then I start running.

Should be educational none the less.

2003-10-27T06:02:00.000-08:00

Time for a new blog and a new pace in things. I'll be turning 29 on Thursday and I thought to myself this would be a cool project to do. This is going to be all, this is going to be me going from 29 to 30.

This is going to be my spiritual life in the open. This is going to be me trying to move from 298lbs. to 246lbs(1 pound a week for the next year). This is me trying to complete my MCSE by the time I'm 30.

Most of all I hope to look back on this and see some real change in my life. What happens when I hit 30. . . who knows, if I really get into this maybe I'll change to the road to 40 :)