Monday, February 04, 2008

A Significant Question

Shaun Groves struck a chord, no pun intended, with me in this blog entry. He wrote about how an incident early in his life has had a lasting impact on his view of himself and his continual drive to do better. I think we all face the same problem. I've met plenty of confident people in my life and everyone of them deals with insecurity in the face of their perceived significance. Now some people deal with it better than others, but we all deal with it.

I personally feel as though I have to live up to the expectations of my friends and family. I see myself as just average. After reading this blog you may see me as below average. I keep striving to do more and do better so people won't see me for the fraud I am. In the past year, maybe two, I've managed to come to some peace with those feelings. In the past few weeks there have been a couple of times that I feel like I'm living up to the hype.

It isn't up to me though. My worth shouldn't be planted in how other see me or how I see myself. Jesus died for me and that makes all of the difference. That takes all of the expectations away. I didn't start this post with the intent of bringing God into it. It just happens. The changes in my esteem coincide with other changes that have happened in my life, my marriage, and my relationship with Jesus and the Church in the past year. It is this continual growth that will allow me to reach the potential and plans that God has for my life. It is liberating, so liberating.

I know in the days and weeks to come I will inevitably chide myself for not doing my best or my all whether I have or not. I will get mad that I've slacked or I've done just enough to get the job done. I will convince myself that I'm not as smart or clever as others think I am. Even as I write this entry I consider that it may very well be self congratulating blather. I'll say that I don't care what others think, but I do. I'll re-read it and harshly criticize it in my mind. I'm my own worst enemy in this way and in those really dark times when I've shut myself down I have to remember what God through Jesus has done for me.

Check out Shaun's blog when you get a chance. The Compassion International widget on the right hand side originated from there. He has some wonderful insights, but most of all he's down to earth and personally I feel his writing blows mine out of the water. Have I ever steered you wrong?