Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Just changed the name of the blog, keep up with the times and all. Well, 30 came and went with more whimper than bang, but it was enjoyable and no I don't feel any older or wiser. I didn't expect to though. My wife threw me a great party with some blasts and friends from the past and all in all I wouldn't have traded it for the world.

If you are wondering about the new title of the blog, I haven't a good explanation. The jars of clay is a reference to a Biblical passage that refers to 'treasures in jars of clay' meaning the gift that God gives us that we keep in our hearts. I've never been one to conform to anything including my church. Don't get me wrong, I love my church family and the diversity it brings. However, God made each of us unique and individual and I think we should celebrate that individuality in the body and not force each other into roles or rules that don't belong.

It's a rainy, blah day out and I need to get things done tonight. I love the winter and cool weather, but sometimes I just want to see some sun.

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Just give me what I want and nobody gets hurt. . .

Time for honesty. With myself and with whoever maybe reading. I'm a terribly insecure person. It is kind of a dichotimy with me. I make friends easily, I'm intelligent(both book and common sense), and for the most part people like it when I'm around. Or atleast they haven't told me otherwise. I'm not arrogant, I don't think I'm the smartest, definitly not the strongest, fastest, or best looking. I am me and for the most part I am content to be me.

However, I'm can and will second guess myself and do so often. The great news I had last post doesn't seem as shiny and great right now. Maybe it is just me being impatient, it wouldn't suprise me, but. . . Sometimes deep friendships just don't happen the way you'd expect them to.

I guess we will see.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Uno, Dos, Tres, Catorce

The devil maybe in the details, but God still has the whole plan. I feel as though this really great thing has happened and I need to be dancing and singing. Imagine what would happen if I got a new job or something major.

I've been praying about God sending me an accountability partner for awhile now. For awhile now I've been considering asking someone I know. Today that person asked me. Some would say God works in mysterious ways and sometimes I would be inclined to agree with them. Today isn't one of those days.

Now if I could just get past this job thing :)

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

One. . .oh one. . .the only way is one

I'm not getting up any earlier than I was, but working out in the morning has this knack for making one feel tired. Currently I'm waiting for a fire drill to begin at work. Other than that it seems to be a bland day. I'm not complaining about that either.

So I started working out again after four monthes of down time. I'm easing into it so I don't feel sore, though my legs are more tired than normal. It's gray outside, which is how I imagine the perfect fall day. Cool weather, just cool enough you need a long sleeve shirt or sweater. The sky is gray and unforgiving, providing the perfect background for the rainbow of colors each tree provides. It's the kind of day I want to sit out on a porch or deck with a good book or magazine and a cup of hot coffee.

Better yet, I think a laptop with wireless and a good connection would work too. Either way it wouldn't be here. I hate slow days.

Monday, October 11, 2004

19 days and counting

So many dreams and goals unaccomplished. How do I take responsibility for my life? There is so much potential that I don't live up to and I don't know how to get there.

We just started 40 Days of Purpose at church. I've read the book before and fully intend to again during this 40 day period. What is my purpose? Why am I here? I know I'm here to glorify God and to spread His good word, but beyond that. . .What are the specifics?

I started this blog as an idea to track the road and goals I set for myself as I finished out my 20's and nothing has changed. I have the same goals and desires. I have to change, *I* have to find a way to do things right by God, by my wife, and by myself. I have to take more time to try, to study, to relax, to workout.

How do I do it?

I work from 8 to 5.

5:30 Wake up
6:00-7:00 Workout
7:00-7:30 Shower and clean up
7:30-8:00 Breakfast, quiet time
8:00-5:00 Work
5:00-5:30 Drive home
5:30-7:30 Study
7:30-8:30 Fix supper and eat
8:30-9:30 Recreational time
9:30~10:00 Go to sleep

Sounds great in a perfect world, maybe it's something I need to try.

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

If I should slip, will they catch me, or watch me fall
I'm having one of those weeks again.  I'm reading the book 'Steps to Relevance' and I just hit one of those moments that I'm sure God is speaking to me.  The author explained that when Jesus came to his disciples the threw down their nets and followed Him.  The author goes on to explain that sometimes it isn't the negative that keeps us from God, but the positive.  The nets were a means of life and identity for the disciples.  They willingly gave that up without question when Jesus asked them to.  How often do we fall into the trap of letting our lives, our jobs, our identities get in the way of God.  I'm desparately searching for my calling and what God wants me to do.  I keep trying to pigeon hole it into radio or computers though.  I HAVE to accept the possibility that God will use me in another way if I want to go to the next step.  I can say that I want that to happen, but can I live it?
I so desparately want a job that I can enjoy going to each day.  I don't like hating the job I have.  Whenever I hear someone whose really where God wants them to be talk, they are filled with happiness and peace.  I know that no matter what they face on a daily basis, they like what they are doing.  I want the same.  I may not be ready.  I may never actually get there, God may have another road for me to travel.  I just wish I knew which way I was supposed to be going.

Saturday, February 07, 2004

So here I sit late on a Saturday night contemplating my future. I have a cert test in a week and I'm really not prepared. I need to be studying, but I can't get the motivation to.

I watched The Italian Job tonight. Good, mindless piece of cinema. I liked it, it was a fun film.

I have no motivation to do anything. I'm settling for mediocrity right now. I really want to feel charged up about something. That doesn't happen a lot. I get little charges now and then, but nothing life changing. I don't know why. Is it the job? Have I gotten use to doing so much for so little that I don't see any better life than that?

Ask anyone who knew me ten years ago and I can bet that they would've said I was going to have done more with my life than I am now. I can't even get the energy to up and serve God properly and that's the most important thing in my life. I feel like I'm trudging through the days just "getting by." That isn't life, that's existing. I want to do more than exist, I want to make a difference. It isn't that I want to changes things so my life will be better, I want to make a quiet impact on the world around me. I want to change it without it realizing that I'm doing it. I don't want a spotlight, I don't want fame, I just want to do a job that I care about. I can give my 100% daily to the job I'm doing, but am I really if I don't actually enjoy it?

In a little more than 8 monthes I'll be 30 years old. Will I look back to this writing and realize that nothing has changed? I wonder. Things should be different, life should be more enjoyable. At the very least, I should be doing what God put me here to do.