Wednesday, June 01, 2005

She fell in love with the drummer, she fell in love with another

It's been one of those days trying to fight fatigue and all. Not sure what is causing it and all. I'm guessing I'm just not getting enough quality sleep and yet here I am writing instead of sleeping.

Jealousy is a hard animal to tame, nay to cage. I run a webcast at www.tetelestai-radio.com and have done so for a couple of years now. Today freerock1.com changed over to www.chargeradio.com. That got a lot of coverage on a site that I frequent and it has been hard to watch because of my foolish, jealous nature. I wish them nothing but the best and I know that if I only did something more than gripe and moan I could do more with my webcast. The question then becomes who is my webcast really for, what is my motivation? Is it personal glory? After today I'm not sure I can answer that question comfortably. This is supposed to be my ministry for God, not for me. It isn't for my glory, but HIS. Because of that I also feel shame and disgust at not giving my best to it. It's a vicious cycle.

I really do wish them the best though, I'm somewhat friends with one of the co-program directors and I think they've taken that station in the right direction. It rocks, check it out if you get a chance.

Then come back to mine;)

Now Playing: Brad Stine - Animal Rights Activists on Tetelestai-radio.com