That explains a lot

I noticed my downloads were happening quicker. I tested my speed again and the results were quite amazing.

'Cause tomorrow is another day

I bloody well hate days like today or weeks like this week. It's been hard. I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed with a project at work and I'm having a lot of problems facing the work at hand. I feel like I've let my productivity drop off, but I don't know how to get around it. I haven't worked out in a little over a month. All in all things need to change before they get worse. I don't know if it is the weather, gray days, or it is my flee instinct. I actually think it's something deeper. I am and have been very discontented lately.

On the flip side I have mapped out some goals for the coming year to further my technical education.

Then flip back and I'm feeling overwhelmed by the financial situation we are in. I'm having a hard time letting go of somethings and I'm having a real hard time making the necessary spending changes in my own life .

Yeah, just add me to the list of whiny people who have nothing better to blog about :)

With a melon?!?

Another week in the books and what a week it has been. Nothing really stood out as wrong, but Monday through Wednesday I was absolutely not with it. Periodically, although it seems more often than not lately, I go through these periods of low ambition. It could be burn out from pushing myself to hard, it could be a complete lack of interest in what is going on in my life. Whatever the cause, I have a hard time being motivated to do anything. Read, listen to music, throw myself into optional projects at work, etc. Days like yesterday and today make up for it. I throw myself head long into life and get things done. If I had more days like this I could TAKE. OVER. THE. WORLD. BWHAHA BWHAHA BWHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Ahem.

I'm feeling much better now.

Oh, and could everyone take a step back and reevaluate their driving practices. Seriously, 50% of the accidents that happen could be avoided if we all drove like we cared a bit. Get off my bumper, use your signal, and stop when the light is red. That's all I ask. Don't get me started about motorcyclists either. That's a blog post for another day.


"It's a good thing we didn't say anything about the knife"

It's been a week.

It's been a week. I can't say I'm looking forward to the next week either. Hopefully I'll be better at managing my time so I can do more things like updating this blog and publishing a new podcast.

I'll be adding some rants to this blog pretty soon, they should be entertaining if nothing else. Tell your friends.

How Fast Are You?

From Home



From Work(wish it was from home)

One Year, roughly, Update

I was reading over what little I had posted in the last year. I noticed I put up some information on trying to diet and lose weight with direction from my doctor. Earlier this year I had a follow-up appointment with the sleep clinic and while my sleep has vastly improved, my weight hadn't. To add insult, or a wake up call depending on when you ask me, the doctor there said he would write a recommendation for me to have Gastric Lap Band surgery. The procedure is not as severe as Gastric Bypass, but garners the same results. Either way it is a procedure which is the last thing I want. At that time I was determined to prove him wrong by my appointment next year.

I just had a six month follow-up with my general practitioner and it was a good news/bad news situation. The good news is that I have cracked the 300 lb. barrier and now weigh approximately 297 lbs. The bad news is that my blood pressure is up a bit and we are looking at changing my medication around. I wanted to be further along at this point in the game, say about 275-280 lbs, but I'll take the ground I've gained so far.

Since our dog passed and I'm not obligated to walk her in the morning, my exercise has dropped off. I really need to get back into the gym.

I'm moving back here. Frankly I find this to be a better platform in which to create. That and I'm really getting tired of the 'True' dating site ads on MySpace.

If only I could find a way to post to both blogs to keep readers happy.

Who am I kidding, readers?

On Death and Dying

If you look in my pictures you will see a picture of our basset hound Lady. In the past month Lady was diagnosed with cancer. It started with a lame leg, which the vet originally thought was soft tissue damage. Three weeks later the x-rays clearly showed a tumor on the bone. The biopsy confirmed cancer, a rather agressive form at that. The vet thinks it started somewhere else in the body and the tumor is an outgrowth of that. The cancer is so aggressive that the vet did not recommend trying to treat it at this stage and instead to make her as comfortable as we could for as long as we could.

It has been three weeks since then, Lady has lost a lot of weight and as of last night she is starting to lose her ability to move around. Her good back leg works sometimes and sometimes not at all. We called the vet and determined that she is probably in a lot of pain and it is time to let her go. Today at noon we will be putting her to sleep.

It's going to be a rough day

We are moving.

I signed up for a MySpace page a year ago to go with my webcast and then pretty much ignored it. I'm changing that now, I've got it all updated and such and I'm moving my blog to that site as I don't want to maintain multiple sites. You can link to it here:

http://blog.myspace.com/matman42

Ya Dewn't Say

Your Inner European is Irish!

Sprited and boisterous!You drink everyone under the table.

Who's" Your Inner European?

Get me the Pentagon.

Just a brief update. 15 weeks and I've only had 5 sodas in that time. I think after I got past the "need" to have soda I was ok with having one now and again. Exercise regiment isn't as strict as it should be, especially in light of a major project at work. I'm down to 326 lbs. Starting last week I'm doing the 'Coutch to 5k' running program from coolrunning.com. Needless to say I knew I was out of shape, just not quite as bad as I really am. Hopefully I actually be able to run 3 miles sometime in September with only minor problems. I'll keep you all up-to-date.

I can't wait for this week to be over. We are finishing up a major migration project and I'm in for a lot of overtime. I'm having some balance issues right now. It seems I have to concentrate on office work or house work and keeping up relations with my wife, but I don't have time to keep up with reading, studying, my online radio station, my podcast, etc. I have a real issue in procrastination also. I put things off until the very last minute. If I was better about my time management I might be able to devote time to the above.

I'm getting ready to add more to my plate too so we shall see if I'm ready for it or if it will be breakdown city.

Keep me in your prayers.

I don't sleep, I drink coffee instead

So about halfway through last year I was suffering from some major fatigue issues. I mean fatigue so bad I was falling asleep at me desk at work and it wasn't voluntary. So I called a doctor and they had to establish me as a patient which meant the one thing. The one thing I had been avoiding for a decade and a half atleast.

A physical.

So I scheduled a physical for November of last year and suffered for a few monthes through the fatigue. Somedays were normal, some were horrible. The worst was when I went to Bethesda, MD. for training in October. Class was horrible with me spending more time concentrating on staying awake then actual learning. Then I would get out of class and do and see as much as I could, eat horrible, and keep an absolutely poor sleeping schedule. The weekend I had between class weeks I did a lot in D.C. because it was only a 20 minute metro ride in and there was a lot I wanted to see. That Sunday I was sitting in bed at 9:00ish and I told myself I was going to check email and go to sleep. I woke up at 12:30, still sitting in bed with the laptop on my legs. I don't remember falling asleep, it was pretty much blackout city and a bit frightening, but I chalked it up to extreme fatigue and went about my business.

The drive out wasn't bad, the drive back was horrible. The lack of sleep I had + rainy day + 10 hour drive = miracle I'm still alive. I stopped several times to sleep for 20 minutes at a rest stop or convenience store parking lot or in one case a country church parking lot. I really don't remember the last half an hour of the trip at all.

So I had my physical and my blood pressure was high, the doctor referred me to a sleep clinic, I did a sleep test and was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea. I got the CPAP machine and I've been using it for monthes and I can't begin to describe the difference it has made in my life. My docotor has me on blood pressure medicine and its dropping slowly but surely. The doc has also been on me to lose weight, roughly 160 pounds.

This week marks the 6th week since I had a soda. It was part one of my plan to lose some weight. I just had a doctors visit and he says I've gained weight. I respectfully disagree for many reasons, but I'm still too heavy.

"Where is all of this leading?" you ask, or if your into Python "Get on with it!"

Today I'm starting back on something I haven't done in two years, early morning workouts. I intend, if nothing else, to make weekly updates on my weight here so I can feel like I have some accountablity somewhere, even if noone is reading.

Todays weigh in: 335 lbs
Target weight short-term: 290
Target weight long-term : 185
Today's workout: 30 minutes on the treadmill(5 warm up, 20 workout, 5 cool down) and 10 minutes of hard stretching.

I'm starting out easy to keep from burning out too fast. Hopefully I'll have good news in a year or two.

Happy New Year!!!!

I know a few days late and a few dollars short. I'm not going to wax poetic about my resolutions and how I'm going to make this a better year in my health, family, and such. I have already been working on those and it just feels ingenuous to "resolve" to do those things.

Anyway, I do plan on writing more here and possibly doing a podcast of some kind this year, if I can keep my computer up and running smoothly.

So I was watching the Today show this morning and I realized that I'm getting more and more disinfranchised with the way they report things, especially the interviews. It isn't just the Today show that does it, but that is where I noticed it the first time. This morning Katie Couric was interview two children of one of the miners that died in the mining accident in West Virginia this week. One of the questions she asked really put me out of sorts. Now keep in mind the two kids were in their late teens early twenties.

Katie asked, "Your father had only been working in this mine for approximately six months. Why did he feel the need to continue working in the mining industry?"

My jaw kind of dropped at that point. I'm asking myself, who in America is really asking these questions right now? Isn't it obvious that he has been working in mines all of his life, it is what he knows and does? Its like asking me "Why do you choose to work on computers?"

BECAUSE THEY PAY ME AND I KNOW HOW TO. . .DUH!!!!!!!!

Which was pretty much the response from the kids, minus the duh of course as it is national television and we can't make the interviewer look bad or atleast any more bad than she is making herself look right now.

Maybe it is just me, but it feels like the media is getting worse about how they report. I realize that news is no longer just the facts. I realize that sensationalism is what gets the ratings. To a degree it isn't their fault, they are only giving us what we ask for. Maybe we should ask for more from them. I don't know, but I'm pretty sure I won't be able to take this much longer.

RUBBER BABY BUGGY BUMPERS

Today's quote:

I just read this and I couldn't pass up sharing it with the world.

'It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power.'-- David Brin, science fiction novelist

So true, so true.

Yo ho Yo ho It's talk like a pirate day

You are The Cap'n!

Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man you couldn't eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones' locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!

Well, I'm off to cook dinner for the crew. Tonight I'll be woking the plank.

Apparently this low. . .

Terry Ebbert, head of the city's emergency operations, warned that the slow evacuation at the Superdome had become an "incredibly explosive situation," and he bitterly complained that FEMA was not offering enough help.
"This is a national emergency. This is a national disgrace," he said. "FEMA has been here three days, yet there is no command and control. We can send massive amounts of aid to tsunami victims, but we can't bail out the city of New Orleans."

The above is quoted from a news story at : http://www.wave3.com/Global/story.asp?S=3795426&nav=0RZEe2BD

I've been watching the television coverage for the past two days and I'm torn between pain, hurt, and anger. There are people who deserve aid and there are people taking pot shots at the National Guard and those trying to rescue them. Patience no longer exists in the hurricane devestated areas of Louisiana and Mississippi. On the news cries of "Help us help us" resound from tired, sick, hungry, and devestated citizens. It leads me to ask the following questions:

This wasn't an unexpected event, many people evacuated out of state or to the dome atleast.

1. Why didn't these people get out of the city when they could?

2. We knew about this, why didn't we send National Guard in and evacuate those who could not do it for themselves?

3. Where is the world aid? How many times have we helped the world in aid and rebuilding? Time to step up world.

I'm not there, I didn't live through it and I've never lived through anything like this before. I will feel the effects in gas prices and increases in the price of goods and services. I can't pretend I know what they are going through and I can't pretend that I wouldn't be behaving the same way. I would hope I wouldn't. I would hope I could find a reasonable solution to the problems around me, but I don't know. To that end the blame game needs to end. There is too much at risk for disharmony to rule.

How low can you go?

This is quoted from an article on a local newsite:

"Staff members at Children's Hospital huddled with sick youngsters and waited in vain for help to arrive as looters tried to break through the locked door, Blanco spokeswoman Denise Bottcher told the newspaper. Neither the police nor the National Guard arrived"

The article is here: http://www.wave3.com/Global/story.asp?S=3788764

It didn't take long. When established authority is gone or helpless anarchy rushes in the fill the void. Much like the water that rushed out of the sky and ocean to wreak havoc, the looters are out in force. Granted it is probably a small number of the total population that has instigated this despicable behavior. It is unfortunate in these times of pain and suffering that anyone would stoop so low. It really doesn't give much credit to humanity to know this is how we face adversity and hardship.

For those in Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and Texas my heartfelt prayers go out for you in this time of trouble. For those of you who have taken this opportunity to "better" yourselves, may God have mercy on your souls.

She fell in love with the drummer, she fell in love with another

It's been one of those days trying to fight fatigue and all. Not sure what is causing it and all. I'm guessing I'm just not getting enough quality sleep and yet here I am writing instead of sleeping.

Jealousy is a hard animal to tame, nay to cage. I run a webcast at www.tetelestai-radio.com and have done so for a couple of years now. Today freerock1.com changed over to www.chargeradio.com. That got a lot of coverage on a site that I frequent and it has been hard to watch because of my foolish, jealous nature. I wish them nothing but the best and I know that if I only did something more than gripe and moan I could do more with my webcast. The question then becomes who is my webcast really for, what is my motivation? Is it personal glory? After today I'm not sure I can answer that question comfortably. This is supposed to be my ministry for God, not for me. It isn't for my glory, but HIS. Because of that I also feel shame and disgust at not giving my best to it. It's a vicious cycle.

I really do wish them the best though, I'm somewhat friends with one of the co-program directors and I think they've taken that station in the right direction. It rocks, check it out if you get a chance.

Then come back to mine;)

Now Playing: Brad Stine - Animal Rights Activists on Tetelestai-radio.com

Thanks that was fun. . .don't forget. . .no regrets

Well I think I'm going to have fun with the picture feature for this blog. I do apologize if the picture is a bit too cheesy.

Why is it I am so afraid to move forward, but once I do I find the travel is easy? I've been putting off working on a project for a week or so due to other commitments and I finally got into it tonight. I figured out two things that were bothering me and made major head way into the project. It usually happens that way. I let fear or frustration paralyze me too much.

I wish I could get the motivation to take on more challenges, but I don't. Maybe someday, sometime I will look back and see this was foolishness, but for now I feel I'm stuck in the quicksand of indecision and apathy. David wrote in Psalms of feeling this way and how God pulled him free and put him on steady ground. What makes me think that God will do the same for me when I can't take time out of my day and work on my relationship with Him? I feel pretty crappy right now and have for a few days. I know in a week or two it will be a passing memory fading like headlights on an empty highway. I know I'll bounce back and I'll be singing and dancing and praising and making all kinds of promises again about how I'm going to change my life for myself, my God and my family. And yet it will not happen. As I read the words I've written perhaps I've found a clue as to why, but will I truly learn from it.

I need a change in attitude AND a change in latitude. I am crazy, but I feel I'm still going insane.